Just a couple of notes to myself to remember the last couple of days.

Yesterday, Friday, I went out to G’s after work. We were going to go to see a movie (”The Hangover” because everyone says it is hilarious.) but the evening was soooo beautiful! I talked him into going to look for the little county park I used to hang out at when I was 16. We found it pretty easily, despite 32 years of urban sprawl.

It was so beautiful and peaceful to stand on the deck, watch the kids on the fishing dock catching sunfish and watching the lake and the sun on the trees across the lake.

Then we drove down the road a little bit to a newer county park where G used to take his kids to the beach. We walked around for a bit and then drove a bit further down the road and went past the house of my 9th and 10th grade girlfriend… and the reason I was hanging out at parks in Eagan when I lived in Richfield. Then we hit the Wendy’s drive through because I still hadn’t eaten and went back to his place to watch a free movie on cable.

This morning, I struggled with cleaning the house. then went over to J”s house to help her with her son’s graduation party. I drove past X’s house as he was having a party for DS1 today too. It was an uncomfortable afternoon at J’s house because everyone was asking about where DS1 was and why I wasn’t at X’s. Kind of hard to explain how I wasn’t invited and that I think we didn’t throw a party together because X’s parents won’t come to the house.

Anyway. During the afternoon the weather cleared and became another beautiful day.

I was a bit late meeting G at the house and we drove downtown. We had tickets for Bill Cosby. It was also Pride so downtown and the Peavey Plaza were pretty crowded. We were going to eat at Britt’s Pub but there were no tables. So we had a brat and a beer on the plaza and listened to the free bands. First was Mayfly, a sort of county-folk band. Then a jazz band with a couple of great singers.

Cosby was good.

Of course afterwards, I had to stop at the grocery store for dog food, milk and eggs.

Now I’m finishing another load of laundry so I have some clothes to take with me tomorrow when DS1 and I get up at the crack of dawn to go down to Ames for Iowa State Orientation.
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

summer social 2008
I know I said I was painting 2007

June 27th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (1)

summer social 2008
I know I said I was painting 2007

June 27th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (2)

From last Saturday, June 20, 2009. Sunrise over Lake Michigan. Sunset over Green Bay.

Sunrise over Lake Michigan

Sunset over Green Bay

Hi.Larious stuff on the innerwebs today 2008
And yet I don’t get along with my grandparents? 2007
Let me see if I understand…. 2007
I’m sure there’s more, but I’ll tell you later 2007

June 26th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (1)

I would never have predicted today would turn out the way it did.

I met X at Home Depot at 6:00 AM. Yes, I said AM. To pick up a wheel barrow. Then over to the rental center to pick up the mini-bobcat. His VUE has a trailer hitch and he agreed to haul it for me.

Home by 7:30, DJ and DS1 using the bobcat to pull stumps and I showered and got ready for work at Evil Coporate Job.

I can’t even begin to describe the day, except to say that most of it I was nauseaous from a crick in my neck. I slept wrong on it or something. Between that and the weather (very hot and humid) and I basically fought down the urge to urp all day.

Left the office a little before 4:00 to go out to Menards to order the patio bricks only to find out they deliver the Class V and sand in bags. I’m going to need almost 2 cubic yards of Class V. To order it in bags would be almost a whole pallet. And way more expensive than it needs to be. On the way home got call from DS1 – they ran out of gas diesel. So I had to stop and Bobby & Steve’s Autoworld and buy an appropriate gas can and some diesel fuel. Put the fuel in and they still couldn’t start it. Called the rental center and they sent someone out. It was a safety switch (as opposed to completely broken down and needing to be towed out of my backyard.)

So while they’re working on that I’m on the phone to the electrician.

What’s that, you ask? What does an electrician have to do with a patio project. Funny you should ask.

Seems the wiring for the garage was laid directly under the existing (crumbling) patio and under the poured concrete sidewalk. And by under, I mean about one inch below. So, they pretty much cut the wiring in a couple of places.

DJ has an uncle who is an electrician. Says he’d be able to come out and run new cable for $1000 if DJ digs the trench.

Holy Electrons, Batman! $1000???? Now, I’ll admit that it’s about 60 or 70 feet from the house to the garage (it’s an old house in an old city neighborhood with the garage on the alley) and I did make it sound like the wiring is not up to code and maybe he thinks he’ll have to put in a circuit breaker box and permits and all that. But $1000 is a bit more than I expected for cost overruns on this project. Just saying.

So, DJ has to leave for band practice but DS1 is able to finish up by about 8:30. That’s about a 13 hour day for him, not counting breaks and dinner. Seems to be holding up. He got good and dirty anyway.

Then he calls X to come back so that we can load the bobcat back onto the trailer. We decide not to do that for fear of someone coming along and helping themselves to all of it. So we’ll load it up tomorrow morning.

So, now I’m trying to figure out next steps. Call at least one more electrician for a bid/estimate. Because $1000 is a lot of money, that’s why. I can’t not fix the wiring. Partly because the downstairs bathroom seems to be on the same circuit, and partly because I can’t use the garage door opener without electricity and a big double-garage door without a handle and no other access is a pain in the butt.

But. Do you lay the electric before the Class V? That’s the question, I’m telling you!

Anyway. This was a fairly incoherent account of a fairly chaotic day.

But that’s the way I ended up spending so much of what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary with my X.

Life is really weird sometimes.
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

That time of the year 2008
better than nuttin’ 2007

June 23rd, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (3)

A few things for which I am grateful this week:

1. Got ready for our weekend in Door County without having to stay up all night.
2. Actually not checking work email from Thursday noon until on our way home Sunday afternoon (I only read them. Didn’t respond to them! and I regretted it as soon as I did it and spent the next hour trying to forget what I had read.)
3. Beautiful weather on the weekend.
4. A calm Lake Michigan when we went fishing
5. Only occasionally feeling weird about having G with us on this outing
6. Spending some time at Whitefish Sand Dunes State park again
7. Delicious meals…and mostly being able to avoid chain food. A little harder when traveling with the dogs you can’t leave in the car because of the weather.
8. Stopping at Lambeau Field. I didn’t really want to, the boys I think could have taken it or left it, but G was trying so hard to give them an experience it was cute.
9. Catching some salmon on our fishing trip.
10. Seeing both the sunrise and the sunset on Saturday.
11. G taking the boys out to get lunch while I took a nap on Saturday. And bringing me back a turkey club sandwhich.
12. G staying at the house for a couple of hours after the boys went off with their dad on Sunday.
13. Menards has my selected paver bricks on sale — so a little procrastination will be saving me some money
14. JH’s friend George the Mechanic fixed my car while we were in Door County
15. Traveling with G worked. So, there’s that.

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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

First Day of Summer 2008
Summer Solstice 2007
After the show 2007
Perfect Summer Day 2006
Northeast Parade on TV!!!! 2006
2006
2006

June 21st, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (2)

… you’ve got another guess coming.

I may hate this job but I’m going to get fired on my own terms, not on some manufactured drama based on YOU

• not making deadlines,
• not knowing jack about writing training,
• sandboxing information
• and generally being an uncooperative jerk and pompous self-important ass who likes to listen to her own voice.

You may only suspect it, but I’ll confirm it: I’m a bitch. I know what I’m talking about when it comes to corporate training, adult learning theory and managing a training department budget; and you don’t. Try to throw me under the bus again and I’ll take you down so fast and so hard you teeth will rattle.

And that’s not a threat.

It’s a promise.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Self-Care gone mad 2008
Paul McCartney 2007
comment moderation 2007
Hot as… 2007

June 18th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (4)

Yesterday, I didn’t even hear the clock radio blaring at 6:35 a.m. I didn’t hear it stop at 7:35. I didn’t even move (I don’t think) until 8:17 and by that time I had missed the opportunity to meet G for breakfast.

This morning I heard the radio, but not until about 7:20. And I actually used the snooze button until about 8:10. I could go right back to sleep right now.

Neither night did I go to bed overly late…my usual trundle upstairs at 10:30 or so. And neither night did I read until all hours. Last night it took a bit for me to fall asleep but not too bad.

I’m tired of being tired.

I’m tired of everything seeming like such a struggle to accomplish; always having to push and strive and fight to get things done. Either pushing and striving through my own fatigue or wrestling with the blockades and hurdles the world throws in front of me preventing me from getting my work done.

A month or so ago, I sat with KO and we talked about my dissatisfaction with still being bi-vocational. He asked me “what do you want?” and the question stumped me. Not because I don’t know but because I thought I was very clear.

• I want a partner who is a real partner.
• I want only one job that I can throw my whole being into. Something where I feel I’m making a difference in the world. Not something where I’m pushing a boulder up a hill everyday, or where I’m only contributing to the bottom line.
• I want to have time to spend talking and being with my partner and telling about that one job that energizes me.
• I want my children to be happy for me being happy.
• I want a clean house that I can welcome guests into for evenings or a few days.
• I want to travel and learn about the world.
• I want to be able at the end of my life to look back and say “I did some good. I changed that. I made it better.”
• I want to know what “enough” is and I want to be happy with it.

Some of that I have already. Or have had at one time. I know that.

But it all just feels so exhausting to chase after it and ever so tempting to just give up. It wouldn’t be all that bad to just lay down and Sleep and be free.
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Wednesday? How’d it get to be Wednesday? 2008
Edith Isabel Rodriguez, Part 2 2007
World Cup clip 2006

June 17th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (2)

and the world didn’t come to an end.

And I didn’t die.

JH and I have decided to play Susan Powder for each other for a few weeks. We have an 2 weeks free trial at a nearby spa gym — which we will use — but that would require a 30 minute sales pitch/tour which we didn’t want to deal with this week.

So, I used one of my 8 guest passes for the YWCA.

Hope I can walk and/or write my name tomorrow.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Alastair.adversaria on Garrison Keillor 2006
oops 2006

June 16th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Comments (1)

I’ve been making these lists for just over a year now. Mostly on Sundays (this one is back-dated, btw). So, for Flag Day here’s a partial listing of the things for which I’m grateful this week.

1. School’s out for the summer!
2. DS2 is completing his daily ToDo lists and I’m able to keep them reasonable.
3. DS1 is getting into working with DJ on the backyard project
4. DJ and DS1 are making good progress on the backyard project
5. Attended a vow renewal on Wednesday with G. Everyone cried a little, we ate a few delicious cupcakes and then I went out to G’s for the evening. It was good to have some alone time with him.
6. I’m grateful that I’m dating a man who doesn’t procrastinate visiting a relative who has early dementia…even when that means a 12 hour drive to Indiana.
7. I’m grateful that I fell on the idea of a “commute playlist” and have enjoyed it quite a bit this week.
8. Grateful for my ISAIAH development table, even when I really don’t think they have the vaguest idea of how to help.
9. A beautiful weekend.
10. Spending Saturday morning at Gerten’s admiring the different patio bricks, dreaming about having lots and lots of money, but being grateful that I have saved enough to put in a nice new patio (as long as I don’t go overboard.)
11. I’m grateful I have really good taste… or at least expensive taste! and the good sense not to indulge it (very often)
12. Giving myself permission to take a little nap on Saturday afternoon before going over to the grad party.
13. Helping LS with Corey’s graduation party on Saturday afternoon. She did a beautiful job of it, but I feel like I could do it even more simply and have a very nice event for DS1.
14. Having dinner at Brasa Rotisserie with LE on Saturday after the graduation party.
15. Sitting outside under the umbrella on Sunday afternoon finishing “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I now understand why so many friends have recommended I read that book.
16. G coming home to me on Sunday. OK, really he was there to pick up his dog, but somehow it felt like he was coming home to me. I think he felt that way a little bit too.

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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Saturday Scavenger: Seasons 2008
blog tapas 2007
64 and counting 2006

June 14th, 2009 | Category: my crazy life | Leave a comment