I have HAD it!
I have had it with people, mostly men, telling me that I “shouldn’t feel that way.”
Here’s another example of a man speaking without thinking and then telling me that I shouldn’t feel anything about it.
At the beginning and the end of the 10:30 service, PP told the congregation that beginning next week we would be starting to learn new pieces for the liturgy. That JR had presented this idea and we were going to start learning parts of it. At the end of the service he reiterated that JR had presented a way of putting together a service from various hymns and that next week we would be starting to learn some of it, but probably not the communion portion. We hope to have a band again soon, but not right away.
Gentle readers, here’s what I have to say about that.
It is true that we had decided to start to introduce some new pieces of liturgy next week.
It is also true that this “setting” is going to be a “contemporary” hymn setting.
However,
The way he presented this negates the activity, work and consideration of the members of the Worship Art and Music committee, the members of the task force, or any other musicians.
By mentioning only JR’s name, he is subtly saying “don’t worry, Becky isn’t that involved with this, it’s mostly us.” Why is it better that I, a trained and professional musician whom you have hired to do this work, is distanced and Jim, a hobbyist musician, is held up as the creative genius behind what is going to happen? (I suppose, if it bombs, I could always say “It was JR’s idea.”)
By mentioning only JR’s setting, it makes me look like a fool, or worse, if what we start teaching isn’t from his setting. It also forces my hand to use his “title” since he publically announced it.
By saying to me later in a phone call “not to worry about it, people don’t listen that closely” is offensive. It assumes the people are stupid and discounts my feelings about this whole thing.
The only reason he called me because I went up to JAS after the service and said “So, I guess you and JR are working to lead next week?” and her response was “that was the first I heard of it.” I said, “Me too.” and walked away. So, I’m sure that at some point after lunch, she said something to him and made him call me.
Oh, and he’s having lunch with JR this week. That’s how they keep me in the process.
GA talked me off the ledge of tendering my resignation right after the service. Or even of talking with PP about it just then. “go home, journal this. Get control of your emotions and remember that when you’ve sifted through it all that will be your truth that you can tell them when you resign.” She’s a smart woman.
Of course, I could have used a couple more hours, but hey, he called me.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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Inquiring Minds 2008
Link ho-that’s me! 2007
decision time 2007
November 19th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
[...] a copy of a brief update I sent to the candidacy committee last year. I skimmed over some of the work drama in the update but I didn’t here. Or here. I was dealing with some seriously dysfunctional [...]