What a day
A sampling of the emails that I found in my inbox when I returned home from the hospital today.
An email from a friend:
A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said to his congregation, “You’re going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind.”
The pastor shouted out “CROSS”. Immediately the congregation
started singing in unison, “THE OLD RUGGED CROSS.”The pastor hollered out “GRACE”. The congregation began to sing
“AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound.”The pastor said “POWER”. The congregation sang “THERE IS POWER
IN THE BLOOD.”The Pastor said “SEX”. The congregation fell into total silence.
Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church,
a little old 87 year old grandmother stood up and began to sing
“PRECIOUS MEMORIES.”
An email from my lawyer:
I received the J & D approved by [X's lawyer}. I will provide it along with a disposition of real estate for the Judge to sign.
Then I will contact [401K Financial Company] and obtain the necessary language for a QDRO splitting the retirement funds.
And an email from the guy I’m going to the orchestra concert with on Saturday. (Yes, a real date…Albeit a “blind” one.)
HI Becky,
Our SPCO conert is this weekend! I am looking forward
to it. I think parking may be tight in downtown this
Saturday because there is a hockey game 7 PM at the
Excel Arena and the SPCO starts at 8 PM. We should
set up a plan to meet before the concert somewhere, or
maybe I could pick you up.BH
Don’t worry. I’m going to drive myself. I’m nervous enough about this whole thing without relying on a complete stranger for transportation downtown and back.
I am both looking forward to the evening and dreading it.
I look forward to being out listening to good music.
I dread returning to “dating.” It has been 25 years since I’ve been on a first date with anyone. And I’ve NEVER been on a blind date before. 25 years ago there weren’t even personal computers, much less the internet and online dating or Craigslist.
What are the rules? What if I find him attractive? What if I don’t? Do I have the emotional energy to do this? What if we start talking about work and I start crying? (CPE was especially rough today…see below.) What if we have a really good time and I have to cut it short because I have a 12 hour day on Sunday? What if I want to go out with him again and he doesn’t? What if he wants to go out again and I don’t?
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Today I participated in a TLC consultation to set up hospice for a 52 year old man who is dying of cancer. His family was remarkably functional. They cared for him, the advocated for him. When he was awake (he was in and out because of pain meds) they acknowledged that he was in the room after talking about him in the third person. (”Don’t worry D, we know you are in the room.”) They were direct with us about their needs and desires for D’s hospice care and that they wanted to take him home today.
I’m still processing the premature infant death from Friday. Big heaping gobs of snot and water processing. And the man who was in for heart tests but was so depreseed and alone. And about a dozen others. I talked with my supervisor today about it. They keep praising me because I feel such empathy for my patients. I want to be able to set it down. I can’t carry this all. I told him that I feel like everyone has someone they can process this stuff with before they get to group, so that it’s managable. I said I don’t have that and it’s making it hard. He said, well what about me? That’s what I’m here for.
And I have to process that.
I think I’m going to try to process it in my sleep. I have maybe slept 6 hours over the last 3 days. Between that and the crying I’m really hitting a wall.
Not a great way to prep for my big return to the dating scene, is it?
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
December 30th, 2006 at 11:45 pm
***Hugs***
I think you needed that. You have an awful lot going on. Look at the date as an adventure. Someone else wants to spend time with you and get to know you. I think that is always special. I would be nervous as hell as well though so I can’t say much.
Take care of yourself and let us know how things go.
Jonathon “Andrew”
December 30th, 2006 at 11:46 pm
Okay, about the date. Just be yourself! If he doesn’t like it, too bad for him. As far as the other stuff, I admit that you have a tough job. You have to be made of some pretty stern stuff to be able to handle all of that. BUT, I am here for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to vent to. I will be here, as much as I can. Hang in there and have a wonderful time this weekend. You will have a fantastic time!
Tue Oct 03, 10:13:00 PM 2006
December 30th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
NFH!
I havent been here earlier. Such a good heart you have- best ahead, ok?
Wed Oct 04, 07:58:00 AM 2006