deal breakers
You know who you are:
You asked me yesterday about Deal Breakers. I was a bit taken by surprise and didn’t give you a very clear answer. That bothers me (that I wasn’t clear and prepared), so here’s my list, as I understand it today.
- Right-wing conservatives
- Religious zealots of any flavor who think theirs is the only one true understanding of the Divine
- Emotionally unavailable
- Unable to share the lead (In dancing or in conversation or in sex or in anything. I’m tired of “driving” all the time, but I’m not wanting to be completely passive either. That would probably last about 5 minutes.)
- Someone unable to carry a conversation
- Someone with no (or a stunted) sense of humor
- Street drugs
- Batterers
- Manipulators
- Indecisiveness
- Foggy thinking (without benefit of alcohol or “distractions”)
- Someone who has given up politically or has succumbed to hopelessness
- Only sports; all the time
- I’m pretty fed up with “self-taught” musicians who know three or four chords and think they’re players
You also asked what “women” thought was attractive. I can only speak for myself and while it’s not as visual as men (so you tell me) there is a visual component.
- First and foremost I think confidence and self-assurance (not cockiness) are important qualities for me to be attracted to you. (Ok not technically visual, but it does have a bearing on your bearing; how you sit, stand, dress and talk. So I stand by this as a visual component.)
- Height: taller than me (pretty easy, huh?…and I must say I’m enjoying our height difference a lot)
- Weight: reasonable. I want to be able to get my arms (and OK, I’ll say it, my legs) around you. Not too skinny though. Ouch! (Plus it makes me feel weird to out-weigh you.)
- Eyes: 2 preferred although that’s negotiable, I suppose. A light behind them indicating somebody’s home is required and a twinkle to give me a clue when you’re joking is good.
- Whiskers: van dykes especially. Nothing too cheesy. Clean shaven is good, but I like to see evidence that you have to shave more than once a week.
- Hair: optional. If you have little or none, flaunt it (goes to first bullet point). If you have some, I’d prefer that it was nicely cut, not longer than mine and clean. Toupees or hair that looks like it could be/should be fake or comb overs just make me giggle.
- Hands: Hard to describe exactly. Hands that I could imagine could be gentle and skilled at touching me. If they can fix a window or change the oil, that’s good too. If they make things that are beautiful (like music or books or paintings) it’s even better.
- Voice: Basses are lovers. Tenors are brothers. Not always, but generally.
- And by contrast, the opposite qualities from the first list.
But what do I want all that for? I can’t imagine ever needing to be married again. I can imagine wanting to have a trusting, loving, physical “relationship” with a man again some day. Whether or when that ever happens is anybody’s guess. But right now I just want to relax, have some fun and refine my list, make a few blazingly stupid mistakes, remember what it is to be a woman, not just a mom or a musician or whatever I “do”. I want to get better at enjoying the moments and get better at “being” whole. Better at honoring all parts of me in a more integrated (instead of sequential) fashion.
So, what part do you want to play in my audacious journey back from the “bottom of the Chrysler?”* Were you serious about the offer you made? Or are you ready to exit, stage left especially now that you’ve seen this?
*We were talking about depression. He had read a book where the author suggested rather than the usual metaphor of a pit, that he wanted to use “the bottom of the Chrysler.” Probably had to be there…
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
2008
If I’d had buttons, I’d have popped them 2008
son of a b 2007
Taking the Plunge 2007
Glory 2007
craptacular 2006
About a week to go 2006
sadly believable 2005
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
2008
If I’d had buttons, I’d have popped them 2008
son of a b 2007
Taking the Plunge 2007
Glory 2007
craptacular 2006
About a week to go 2006
sadly believable 2005
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
2008
If I’d had buttons, I’d have popped them 2008
son of a b 2007
Taking the Plunge 2007
Glory 2007
craptacular 2006
About a week to go 2006
sadly believable 2005
December 31st, 2006 at 12:59 pm
What you are looking for is pretty general. It’s probably what I look for in most men. I don’t like men who have politics running in their blood though. I once dated a guy like that. I think he was more interested in what type of underwear Bush wore than what kind I wore, if you know what I mean (cough, cough).
Mon Oct 30, 06:56:00 AM 2006
December 31st, 2006 at 1:00 pm
at least “golf” wasnt on the dealbreaker list
Thu Nov 02, 04:03:00 PM 2006