Christmas Midnight 2006
Many wishes of peace and joy to you as you celebrate this holiday season…whatever holiday you celebrate.
I’m home from church. The choir sang beyond beautifully. Have I mentioned how much wrong in one’s life can be fixed or ignored when one is able to make beautiful music with people? Well, it’s a lot. A whole lot.
As I sat through the rest of the service (for the 3rd time, as it’s basically the same as the 3:30 and 5:00 go arounds) I thought about what it was that pissed me off so much about this afternoon.
Oh, that’s right. You don’t know the whole story yet.
So around 10:30 I called my mom and my sister to let them know that DS1 had been throwing up. I told them that I thought we could easily contain and limit their exposure since the only way to catch it is to come in contact with “spray.” It is not caught by breathing on a person or sitting next to a person…unless you are barfing or “you know what” while you’re sitting next to them. Then you could pass it on.
Anyway, they are confused and have to be told again that I am working this afternoon but that I was going to have a schedule for them to follow to keep dinner on track so that we could eat and have time for presents before I had to go back to work.
At 10:30, they can’t decide what they want to do. So I keep preparing under the impression that we are having dinner for 6 at around 6:30/7:00.
At 2:15 I leave the house for church. Mom calls enroute. They have decided that:
It would be a terrible thing to keep a kid from his Christmas, so we are not going to come so that DS1 can come downstairs and eat jello and maybe some potatoes on the couch.
Except, I’ve already left for work with the roast in the oven and a schedule that assumes you’ll be there to put in potatoes, green beans and rolls.
And my kids are home alone on Christmas Eve and I don’t have time at this juncture to make different alternative plans.
And there’s no guarantee that he would even want to come downstairs.
And you’re leaving DS2 alone.
And you were bringing presents for them to unwrap because all I was able to get them was hats and gloves and a calendar apiece.
And how am I supposed to make a Christmas Eve for them when I have to be at work?
So that’s basically the story. So as I sat and “listened” to the sermon for the 3rd time today, my mind began to wander and wonder what it was about the whole thing that made me so mad. Afterall, I called them to let them know DS1 was sick presumably so that they could stay home if they felt they needed to.
What came to me was this: It feels like another example of when things get really hard and my back is against the wall, they abandon me. Here I am with a sick kid, an exhaustion level of serious proportions, a major holiday and work. I’m trying to be enough for everyone.
Enough of a mom to provide food, shelter, love and holidays.
Enough of a daughter/sister to host the holiday at my home because schedule/miles-wise it’s easier for me.
Enough of a music director to plan meaningful services and prepare 3 choirs to lead.
Enough of a deaconess candidate.
Heck, throw in there trying to be enough of a woman to be hugged repeatedly (at least.)
Enough for what?
Enough so that when my back is against the wall, when it appears that I might not make it, when I’m lonely or just tired that soneone will stand by me and help. Enough so that a little struggle won’t make them flee. Enough so that at the end of a day like this, that there is someone there to hand me a glass of wine and provide a shoulder to lean on.
Not all day every day, just a bit when the journey gets tough.
Is that really so much to ask? Do I really need to be more than I am to deserve that? Do I really need to be more than I am to have that?
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
Merry Christmas! 2007
Christmas Noon 2006 2006
More cute boys in Yellowstone 2005
When Christmas Morn is Dawning 2005
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
Merry Christmas! 2007
Christmas Noon 2006 2006
More cute boys in Yellowstone 2005
When Christmas Morn is Dawning 2005
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
December 31st, 2006 at 7:58 pm
Hope things are under control now, A super Christmas and may the new year bring a lot of good things for you.
Mon Dec 25, 05:03:00 AM 2006
December 31st, 2006 at 7:58 pm
That’s not too much to ask, the wine and the shoulder thing. In fact, THAT should be the question before people commit to one another. WILL YOU BE THERE WITH A SHOULDER? OR WHAT?
Loved the choir thing and am linking to you. That alone is enough for me.
Tue Dec 26, 08:31:00 PM 2006