Although I didn’t have access to the innernets while at the cabin, I did bring along my trusty laptop. Here are a few (unedited!!!) observations made while in solitude and peace.

I came home today to have a meeting with LN, but found out, after spending an hour getting up the cabin’s snowy driveway, driving home and showering (phew!) that he couldn’t meet this afternoon. And the Worship Commission meeting tonight was cancelled too. YM is out for dinner and the boys are still with their dad, so the retreat continues, just in a different venue and with more access to projects, activities and people. Not sure what I’ll do tonight.

Here’s the scoop from the weekend (again, unedited for my enjoyment next year):
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12/25/06 5:19:09 PM

Arrived at the cabin around 3;20. UNLOAded the car after many trips. Libby is very very excited to be here. Remembers the place, which is more than I can say because I had to go up and down the road twice b efore I saw the “mad bull’ mailbox and found the right driveway.

Lit a scented candle, a nd Poured a really big scotch after all was inside. Took till about 4:00 to unload the car. Manyuu little trips. 2 fingers of scotch in a really wide glass. A few icecubes. Made the bed and sat and read “the gunseller” by hugh laurie while the sun went down. Very funny book. I can hear his voice clearly when I read. Sadly, (because it’s pathetic, not because it’s actually sad) I can hear SaxMan’s voice reading in his voice. F*ck.

About 5, I went out and turned on the heat in “the necessary” building. Still working on the scotch and a few cheese and crackers. Kinda drunk I realize as I look at this entry. Hmm. Oh well.

It is totoally dark now. In a little while I’ll put my shirt back on and my jacket and libby and I will go for a walk on the lake to look at the stars.

It’s quiet and peacefull and the scotch that YM gave me is really good. After our walk I will make a fire in the fireplace and make a late supper. I brought raviolis and butternut squash sauce. Good food will feed my spirit.

I’m going to reserve a state park cabin early for this week Next year. This is a genius idea to be at a cabin. Maybe I should see if I can even reserve it a year in advance. This is nice, and I like not having to pay anything (although I will give them a bottle of scotch and something else for th e cabin as athakn you.) I would like to have the bathroom in the same building. Hell, I’d like to have a Jacuzzi and a man who wants to make love ot me for hours too, but I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

Ok. Merry Christmas to me. And you too.

12/26/06 7:50:17 AM

Had to get up to let out the dog. Got a good shot of the sunrise. Walked to the necessary. It’s about 10 degrees according to the yard thermometer. It felt good as I have the heat up too high in the cabin.

Last night was a little tough. I am rested, but it wasn’t a sound sleep.

After my drunken entry, I went and lay down “for a bit.” Around 9:00 I got up and had to go out. I read a little after that and watch a very few minutes of TV (a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean and a few dances on public TV’s presentation of a ballroom dance contest.)

Around 11:00 I went back to bed. It took a while to fall asleep, presumably because the 4 hours of sleep I’d gotten earlier made my body (and mind) think that I was done resting now.

I finally drifted off and had a rather peculiar dream.

In the dream I was driving a little one seater BMW sports car; royal blue in color. Not fast mind you. Just tooling around town doing errands (although probably not getting groceries.)

As I drove down a street in the warehouse district of Minneapolis and I spotted the boys sitting with X in his Saturn Vue, eating McDonalds. (I love the zoom vision you have in dreams.) They waved me down and I turned the corner near them and pulled to the curb. They asked to see my car because they hadn’t seen it before so I raised the hood and they do what men do with machines; ogle the parts. While they were standing in front of the car (and I’m sitting in it, with the top down) a well-dressed handsome man strolls by. He looks as if he’d be interested in chatting with me about the car, but then looks at X and the boys looking at the car, sizes up the situation and continues walking with only the slightest slowing up of his pace. But slight enough that I notice.

At that point in the conversation with X I’m telling him that I still have the ‘other’ car for hauling groceries and taking the boys places. I turn and there’s my current car, parked too far from the curb.

Now this is where the interpretation can get interesting.

My BMW was parked with it’s nose into the intersection a bit, but the Saturn is clearly in the way of traffic, if there was going to be traffic on this street. So I climb into the Saturn and move it around the corner to park it legally. Only that street is marked “No Parking.” So I have to continue. I turn the next corner and still, “No Parking.” By now I’m about two or three blocks away trying to park this “family vehicle” legally but I’m worried that the BMW is still sitting with it’s nose a little too close to the corner and I wish that someone was watching it to make sure a car doesn’t come by and clip it and wreck it.

At that point, around 1:00 I awoke to the “strange” noises in the cabin and lay there trying to decide if they were actually strange or just the refrigerator and the baseboard heaters cycling off and on. I finally told myself that if there was actually a mouse in the house, Libby would alert me. Well, that’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

Then around 4:00, I think, I was semi-awakened by the smell of a skunk. At least I think it was a skunk. It crossed my mind that it could have been Libby passing gas. I didn’t really get up to investigate and in the light of morning and the walk outside, I’ve determined that it was not a skunk outside the bedroom window, but a dog who had had too much cheese inside the bedroom window.

Ah, the pleasures of cabin life!

12/27/06 9:00:34 AM

Yesterday was spent alternating between reading and sleeping. At noon, Libby and I went out for a walk along the southern shore of the lake. Actually, we walked on the lake but near the shore. I figured the ice was thick enough to hold the dog and me, as the snowmobile tracks were even further out into “deep” water. Still, I had no desire to have to rescue the dog or myself from a mishap. We walked through a little channel to a back water puddle where someone is starting to clear the ice for skating, then back out and around the point that I look at from the cabin’s picture window.

It was a beautiful day and I wore my Icelandic sweater and a hat. Once I turned around for home I’d wished I’d brought mittens because the wind was a little rough on my hands; but the rest of me was fine.

Made a little lunch around 2:00 and then resumed the pattern of reading and sleeping, occasionally punctuated with trips to bath house. I finished two books yesterday; “The Gunseller” by Hugh Laurie and “How to Date in a Post-Dating World” by Diane Mapes. I highly recommend the first book; it’s an intelligent send up of conspiracy-thriller-spy-novels ala Ludlum or Clancy. The other was basically research and while it too was wittily written I don’t generally make a habit of recommending “self-help” books. Although it was helpful on several topics.

Last night dreams shifted from personal, relational or even sexual to more professional and career oriented. I spent last night in dream-land having coffee and small talk discussions with various pastors, seminarians, professors and musicians I’ve known over the years. The oddest part of the dream was the cameo by my cousin DH whom I haven’t seen or spoken with in over 18 months. Perhaps a little message from my sub-subconscious telling me that I won’t be able to keep “them” (i.e. my wacked out family) out of my professional life forever.

12/27/06 5:49:02 PM

Our walk today was about 2 miles and was on the road. With the temperatures in the 40s I didn’t feel like walking on the lake, although tonight there are lots of snowmobiles out on the lake, so it probably would have been ok.

I ran out of color film and only had B&W. The light wasn’t very good in the middle of the afternoon (we went about 2:30) so there aren’t very many pictures. No grand play of light and dark with the diffused greyness of the clouds.

I napped a lot today. From 10:30 to 2:00. I’m starting to feel more rested but I wonder about this sleeping. Is it really fatigue or have we moved into avoiding being awake?

I finished the cello/flute parts for “Christus Paradox” this afternoon. I should spend some time this evening cleaning the cabin so that I don’t have to do it all tomorrow and can be on the road by around noon.

Since the boys are staying with X tomorrow night, I’m rather disappointed that I have to go back at all, but LN wants to meet and he suspects that Friday will be a short day too; so, back to town I go. Maybe I’ll spend the evening out with people instead of being home alone. Alone at the cabin for 2 ½ days is one thing. It’s cleansing and refreshing. Alone at home is another thing entirely. Of course, maybe I should spend it working on one of the many many projects that have gone neglected for so long. Like laundry. Or organizing (cleaning out) the bookshelves in my room.

This alone business is puzzling me a lot. I’m completely comfortable being alone. I have plenty of thoughts to think, creative things to do, things to read. Heck, I’m even exercising. At home, I have plenty to do, creative things to accomplish and people to be with.

I just wonder about this preoccupation I seem to have about having a relationship. My life is good and full and plenty. Why do I want someone else in it? Won’t that just complicate things? Doesn’t it just distract me from whatever else I’m supposed to be doing, such as being a mom, or a music director?

And yet I yearn for it. When I see beautiful scenes or hear something interesting I find myself wanting to share it with someone; someone who actually would be interested, of course, not just the grocery clerk.

And as nice as this cabin is, when the fire is going in the fireplace I feel I want to share it with someone. Not because it’s not complete in and of itself, but because it is complete as a beautiful quiet experience. Something complete and perfect that could be shared.

12/28/06 8:09:11 AM

Mystery: How can you be wakened at 6:44 am by the sound of a dog retching, get up and search an entire 2 room cabin and not find the pile o’ puke?

Dark as midnight at 7 a.m., I discover it is beginning to snow by the beam of the porch light. After my little morning walk to the out building, I decide that, rather than go back to sleep, I would sit and read and watch the sun rise. Well, watch the day brighten, anyway. It was good and peaceful to do that.

The day is now about as bright as it’s going to be. The snow is coming down seriously and I have water on the stove for washing up. It’s time to get moving or I may not be able to get my little car up the hill of the driveway. Not that that would be a total tragedy, but I would need to call LN and re-arrange our meeting. It’s really the only thing I’m going back to town for and I know he’d understand. Still, there’s a part of me that’s ready to go back and pick up my life again. But I also want to rearrange the packages a bit; thankfully some of them don’t need to be carried any further (like CPE) but there are others that could be just as heavy and cumbersome if I’m not careful (like this job, or a “relationship.”)

Water is boiling. Better get a move on.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Help!! Santa brought a smoker 2007
IVs aren’t my favorite part 2007
pics from the cabin 2006
walking cast blues 2005

— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Help!! Santa brought a smoker 2007
IVs aren’t my favorite part 2007
pics from the cabin 2006
walking cast blues 2005

— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Help!! Santa brought a smoker 2007
IVs aren’t my favorite part 2007
pics from the cabin 2006
walking cast blues 2005

Posted on December 28th, 2006 under my crazy life, vacation. RSS 2.0 feed. Leave a response, or trackback.