So many good-byes
It has been a death-filled April so far. And not too many resurrections.
Some from my personal circle, some from the world stage and some who were thrust onto the world stage at the moment of their death. An unusual aspect of these journeys that ended this month is the role that mental illness played in several of them.
My friend’s sister-in-law is in my personal circle. I want to include her obituary here because I think it is significant. I think it’s significant because they have intentionally broken a taboo of the past in mentioning that she committed suicide and suffered from depression. I think this is a huge step forward for our society to be able to talk about this as a life threatening disease that sometimes cannot be “cured” by a pill or a few days in the hospital.
Diane O age 54, of Edina. After suffering a short battle with depression, she took her own life on April 12, 2007. Survived by loving husband of 32 years, John; children, Tom and Ann; parents, Ernest and Cecilia W of Oshkosh, WI; sisters, Susan (Ralph) H Victoria, TX, Judy R of Belvidere, IL; brother, Philip W of San Diego, CA; 5 sisters-in-law & their families; nieces, nephews & many friends. Dianne was chief investment officer of [Big] Financial Group & president of [National] Capital Management. She was a graduate of the University of Wisconsin with a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science & French, Master of Science in Real Estate Investment Analysis, member of the board of directors of Regions Hospital, board of directors of UW Foundation and active alumna of UW School of Business, member of the CFA Society of MN and active in the family cabin’s lake association. She was a recipient of the Twin Cities Top Women in Finance Award and Dean’s Award for Extraordinary Service to the UW School of Business. Dianne enjoyed canoeing, camping, spending time at the family cabin and listening to her children’s musical accomplishments. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be given to the UW Foundation, YMCA Camp Menogyn or YMCA Camp Nan-A-Bo-Sho.
From the world stage, three deaths stand out for me. Kurt Vonnegut, Don Ho, and Calvert DeForest.
Vonnegut probably helped form my world view since I read so much of him and his cohorts during my youth. His ability to skewer society’s eff-ed-up-ness, both in his novels and short stories but also in his essays, always made me think and usually made me think a different way. And usually made me shout with delight at at least one turn of phrase.
Don Ho couldn’t be more different from Vonnegut if he tried, I suppose. Where Vonnegut was all black humor and satire, Ho was all tiny bubbles and optimism. My mom had a Don Ho album that she would actually play on the phonograph (read big chest-like piece of furniture in the living room that held a few records. Mostly The Golden Strings, Lawrence Welk, some collection from Reader’s Digest, and Don Ho.) So in a way, his smooth crooning and vocal “stylings” probably have influenced my music more than I would care to admit. At least I learned what ’schmaltzy’ was from him.
Calvert DeForest is remembered by me, as by most of the world who knew him, as Larry “Bud” Melman. You have to understand though that the Letterman show played a huge part in my courtship and marriage to X. We watched the very first show together. Our early courtship consisted of me stopping by X’s dorm room on my way home from the practice room. Usually it was after the late news was done and Letterman was on. It sort of became a reason to stop practicing and head over to his place. We’d sit, sometimes in separate chairs, sometimes on the floor or together in a chair and watch the show and then make-out for a while before I would head back to my dorm room.
We watched as Letterman went off NBC and watched as he re-emerged on CBS. When Calvert was on the first new show, it was like “OK. This is going to be fine. Everybody’s going to be fine.”
DeForest’s character always made me a little uncomfortable, because I thought it was a little ageist. But sometimes I just couldn’t help myself. That X and I could laugh together at something was probably important. But DeForest character always seemed a little sad to me. A little like the awkward kid in class who ends up letting people laugh at him just so that he’s included. I always looked to see if I could see tell-tale signs that DeForest was “in” on the joke. I’m not sure I ever reallygot the confirmation of that.
And of course there’s all the people who died at VT this week. Thrust onto the world stage at the moment of their death the mostly anonymous people were victims of a mind that had lost rational thought. There’s a lot of talk going around regarding the Virginia Tech murders that seems to imply that just because people could see Chou was sick and just because he may have even been hospitalized once that that should have “fixed” the problem. There’s a lot of blaming language out there too and some people are using the word ‘lunatic’ as if this guy made a rational choice to behave this way. I am NOT excusing his behavior or releasing him from being responsible for his actions. But to expect that he could have/should have/would have been cured if “somebody” had done something is just as irrational as his thought that killing all those people was going to solve anything.
Our health system and especially our Mental Health system is too broken for that expectation to even be faintly realistic. There is NO reliable mental health system in this country anymore. But that’s a rant for another day.
In the meantime, I pray that we alll have eyes to see where we can be of service. Where we can offer a small kindness, a listening ear, a compassionate word of advice or support. For those who are grieving and for those who are struggling.
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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I Passed! 2008
well, that’s interesting 2007
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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I Passed! 2008
well, that’s interesting 2007
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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I Passed! 2008
well, that’s interesting 2007
