I think I’ve figured it out
This blues thing, I’ve got going on. It’s almost entirely related to having to change jobs.
This has been such a good year at this church, with this staff, with these choirs and this congregation. I used to feel good about changes. It meant that new and better things were coming alone for me. I embraced change. I was a change agent.
But I’m either getting old (!gasp!) or the changes that have buffeted me over the last 5-6 years have been enough. I’m sated. I don’t want to “settle down for good” but I’d like some stability.
And I’m not there yet in my career path. And that’s bumming me out.
Add into that situation all the other change that is part of my life and I’m just blue because I’m yearning for something, someone, somewhere to hold onto steadily.
I’ve realized that with all the personal growth opportunities (grrrrr) that have been flung at me over the last however long, and with all the success (or not) that I’ve had navigating them, I’m not done.
I’m not done.
That sentence doesn’t sound hopeful to me today, or these last several weeks. I don’t want to be “done” as in “all done” or crystallized or settled into a rut.
But I sure as hell would like to be done with so much chaos. So much newness in every aspect of my life. Somewhere that was “steady on” as they say.
Yes, yes. I know there are those who will hear that and say “where’s your faith, girlfriend?” and “God is always there and unchanging.” Well, yes. Those are some very nice theological baits, aren’t they? Well, I’m not biting. Even Jesus felt abandoned by God, and the psalms (not to mention the whole plot of the whole book) are full of that sort of thing. So put that faith platitude crap in your pipe and smoke it. That’s not what faith is. Faith isn’t certainty. And it isn’t reliance on some invisible ’spiritual entity.’
Frankly, today, I think faith is the ability to look into the maw of more foundational change like this and not cash in your chips because even though there’s no empirical evidence in support of the wacky idea, faith let’s you believe that something good will come.
The bottom line is this: I’ve got more big ass transitions coming down the pike and I’m sick and tired of it.
A year ago on This Journey: I got it: the job offer for this church and a nice submarine-ing at the old job, plus an education about what some people think are funeral dirges.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
Grateful 2008
Weird 2007
“funeral dirges” defined 2006
got it 2006
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
Grateful 2008
Weird 2007
“funeral dirges” defined 2006
got it 2006
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
Grateful 2008
Weird 2007
“funeral dirges” defined 2006
got it 2006
June 8th, 2007 at 4:53 am
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Where’s the serenity that’s the ‘true’ witness of Christian faith? Yeah, right.
“The bottom line is this: I’ve got more big ass transitions coming down the pike and I’m sick and tired of it.” — I can so relate! And I don’t think it’s wrong to acknowledge being in a place like that.
“Frankly, today, I think faith is the ability to look into the maw of more foundational change like this and not cash in your chips because even though there’s no empirical evidence in support of the wacky idea, faith lets you believe that something good will come.” — very much agree with that, too. Thanks for putting it so well, it was a timely subject.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:06 am
Hang in there. The changes are never going to stop. They will only slow down when you’re like 80 or something.
Anyway, keep your chin up girl. Perhaps you need a mini vacation? Want to go to NYC in September?