from out of the blue
This is just a note to myself to say that McKilt called this evening to “catch up.”
He wanted to know when we were leaving for Washington. He let me know that he wouldn’t be joining me at the end of July because he and his daughter are going out at the end of August. He said I should call his mom when I’m out there. I promised I would, if he sent me her phone number. We talked a bit about golf, my boys, the job in Snohomish, how to pronounce Snohomish and at a high level how his therapy is going.
He mentioned that S&L’s daughter K was hospitalized today with brain lesions. Seems L suffers from them too. Doctors don’t see to think surgery is the route to go. She should be discharged tomorrow. She was one of the crew that McKilt brought to the Shakespeare in the Park show at Lake Harriet. I think he thought to call because he had spent time at the UofM Hospital where I did CPE last fall. He talked about watching the storms come over the river from the 8th floor cafeteria while he was sitting with S this afternoon.
It was good to hear is voice. It would be better to see him. Outstanding to feel his arms around me and have some idea that maybe I meant something more to him than yet another Craig’s list conquest. My own damn fault really on that score, but you can’t blame a girl for needing external confirmation that she’s not an old hag yet.
It’s something that has confused me for a while. I feel good about myself and how healthy I am, how healthy I’m getting, yada, yada. Better everyday about not needing external validation about self. But inner confidence and all that is not the same as having someone else think you’re attractive enough to kiss…or whatever. And no matter what else it was with him, he did confirm that for me. (whooee!)
On the brighter side, he called and while I’d like to see him it wasn’t as physical a reaction to his voice as it has been in the past. Yes, yes, I know. Mentally there’s a ways to go. Whatever.
Clearly, I’m just not keeping busy enough yet.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
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A Family Resemblance 2008
rolling thunder 2007
bread, wine and which cheese? 2007
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
A Family Resemblance 2008
rolling thunder 2007
bread, wine and which cheese? 2007
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
A Family Resemblance 2008
rolling thunder 2007
bread, wine and which cheese? 2007
July 8th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Hhmmmm…
Well, he did call. That’s positive. I wouldn’t worry about it. You are healthy and you really do have so much going for you. Your kids are great and you have a home and a job. Quit getting down on yourself, even for a second.
July 8th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
I don’t think I’m down on myself as much as just premenstrually horny. And frankly a little weary of having to take care of everything (including that) by myself. (heh! let’s see if any of the guys comment on that one!)
July 8th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
BTW, I did some digging for you on the cheeses. Try Crottin de Chavignol, a cheese made from whole goats milk. It is best paired with the wine you have chosen for the evening. I would also do the French camembert. Yummy! Wish I could fit in that picnic basket!
July 8th, 2007 at 10:37 pm
awesome!!! Thanks for the advice (I thought you’d have some good ideas!!)
July 9th, 2007 at 12:38 am
Snohomish (”snow”-”hoe”-”mish”), named after the Snohomish tribe. The meaning is under debate but the most popular meaning seems to be, “tide water people”.
It’s good that you feel happy and healthy with yourself. It’s important and you owe it to yourself to feel that way. We’re to quick to be our own worst critics most of the time.
-P
July 9th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
I’ve been wrestling with that myself. Living without that validation can make it feel like you’re living in a vacuum. there’s nothing wrong with wanting that.