Even after all this time it still stings

It’s not surprising. AND it throws into sharp detail what I expect to be different in my relationships from now on.

I’ve said it here before and I’ll keep saying it as long as I have to. I expect a little reciprocity in the emotional support department.

Last week I called my mom from Seattle to make sure she wasn’t involved in the bridge collapse. Last night I spent 4 hours with my sister (granted 3 of them were during the play) and then another hour and half with my mom tonight when I delivered the Food Saver that we share for her to freeze corn this weekend.

During all that “quality time” at no point did they ask how my vacation was, ask a follow-up question when I said I got my job-offer packet or said I’d been having a really good week. In fact when I mentioned the job by name my mom had no idea what I meant because “well, you always refer to it as working for LN not by the company name!” As if the fact that she couldn’t be bothered to remember was my fault (not exactly true, but whatever.)

Mention that I was having a great week? The response was how shitty her week had been. Remind mom that I don’t have insurance and get a 20 minute (no really! I timed it) review about how she went from 1975 to 2000 without insurance (which I’m only realizing now couldn’t have been quite right because she wasn’t divorced until 1982). Say something about how pretty Seattle was and receive a full report on the trip to LA they’re taking for an IRS forum and all the things they’re planning to do - down to finding a deli to buy stuff for lunches so they don’t have to pay the ‘exorbident’ prices at the convention center or hotel.

Mention that the salary of the new job will enable me to refinance the house and get completely out of debt except for a mortgage payment (that hopefully will be a lower monthly payment than I’m paying now) and the response is “Oh I’m glad you’ll be able to pay me back because I lost $35k on opening that office last year.”

I didn’t even try to insert anything about the internship.

Additionally you can be treated to rants and diatribes about everything from her knee surgeon’s incompetence, the conspiracy of installing defective replacement joints to people on medicare, to the selfishness of my grandmother for cancelling her podiatrist appointment where my mom wanted to ask him something about her foot and now will have to pay a $25 copay!!! Oh the injustice!!!

And you know. I try to listen compassionately and as a chaplain (I have that training now!!!) but after a while of trying to get a word in edgewise about all the joyous things that are happening in my life like new jobs (2 of them!!!) and good dates (which might even be turning into something more?????) and all the rest, it stings a little bit that a moment can’t be spared to listen and be happy with and for me.

I don’t think it’s a wonder that I’d be amazed at a man that actually listens (or at least pretends really well) to what I say. Is it?

I know, this here is a pity party. But it’s my pity party and I’ll bitch if I want to.

It’s not as if I actually expected more from them. Like with X, that would be like expecting them to change the color of their eyes. But it still stings a little bit. And frankly it’s tiresome.

Ok. Gotta finish up here. I’m expecting a call from ‘up north at the cabin.’ — — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…