I had a nice conversation with Mr. Hockey last night. It was good to hear his voice. We made plans for the weekend so that I can make plans for the dog. He’s ramping up to the busy season with his son’s hockey season. I wonder a little how that’s going to impact the limited amount of time we have together. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

One of the things I have decided to take the risk to talk about with him is my struggle with this seasonal affective disorder (SAD.) I know that exercise is one of the things that helps with it. But I have to say that you have to be able to drag yourself out of bed or off the chair before you can exercise. Otherwise, all it does to know that is to make you feel like more of a loser.

I am delighted to know that he’s a dedicated exerciser. That he has found great success in managing his stress and weight and all with his morning routine, his bike rides and his hockey coaching is inspirational. And I fall a little bit more in love with him that he wants me to feel better and wants to help and so talks about us taking a “nice long walk” on Saturday (the one day it might not be raining again this week.)

But I just want to record somewhere how proud I am of myself that in the midst of this mental and physical fog brought on by lack of light and the crabbiness any person would feel at having their guts twisted by cramps for 24 hours I did not snap at him when he said “Exercise will cure that malaise.” And then there was “I found that the lack of light is affecting me less the last couple of years.” And the one that almost made me go: “Well, October and November are statistically the cloudiest months.”

As if knowing that makes it any easier to live through it. All I’m trying to say is that the cloudiest part has come earlier in October and more consistently and when it usually takes me until late November to feel this crappy, I’m way ahead of my usual curve.

And I don’t want to feel this crappy. Not when I’ve been feeling so good.

And I said that to him but nicely. And also, that it doesn’t really help to know that it’s statistically cloudy this time of year. What I need is light.

The timer went off on the lamp this morning. And I did get out of bed about 30 minutes before I’ve been able to the last week or so.

I still feel like I’m dragging a loaded sled through the mud.

Maybe tomorrow when I get up I’ll do some yoga.

Maybe my light box will come this weekend?
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Mom-ness 2009
Teen driver 2008
a long awaited email 2007
So there you go 2006

October 16th, 2007 | Category: SAD | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL