I’ve been wrestling around with something lately and sometimes writing about it helps me process my thoughts and gain some clarity. (Sound of the entire blogosphere saying “Duh!”)

I’ve been wrestling with the concept of taking things “One Day At A Time.”

When I used it through the divorce and it’s immediate aftermath, I took it to mean this: I can’t worry about the long term. I’ll worry about getting through today. Tomorrow and next week and the month after that will have to wait until they get here.

Hell, sometimes it felt like I could only worry about and work on getting through the next minute.

I seriously would tell people sometimes I was “taking it one hour at a time.”

This felt healthy actually. In perspective. I didn’t have to worry about how I was going to live the next 40 years. I only had to make it through the next hour.

I thought that perhaps I was using the technique as 12-steppers do (Rich or others you’ll need to tell me if I was even close to the mark.)

The goal was clear: I was taking it one (minute, hour,) day at a time toward “getting over it.” Toward being healthy. Toward being whole.

All that seems pretty good and healthy, right? Of course!

I have a clear understanding of what a person means to take something “one day at a time.”

So, how come, when someone says this to me with regard to a relationship, (let’s say a friendship for argument’s sake) I seem to feel that it is a way to keep me at arm’s length? “Don’t expect to depend on me for anything. We’re taking this one day a a time and that means tomorrow is up for grabs.”

???

But that’s exactly where I go.

I know rationally and intellectually that no one, NO.ONE. can make any promises past today. And at the hardest parts of my marriage, long before I had concluded that the least evil option was to end the relationship, I got through those years one day at a time. One event at a time. One morning, one evening, one meal at a time. Each day, during that dark period, I woke up and chose to stay married. Chose to try again. Chose to stay.

Until I didn’t, of course.

Maybe that’s where the problem comes? I don’t know.

But when you start over, how does that phrase work? Can you make any plans if you’re in the relationship one-day-at-a-time? How far out? Seems like it’s ok to make plans for next Thursday, or even Next Month. But three or four months down the road is too far. Next Spring (or summer, or year) seems like it would be definitely out of bounds.

Maybe it’s not so much a “one day at a time” problem but a trust problem.

Bah! I feel all wrapped around the axle on this. I’m not sure I’m any clearer on what my problem is here. I guess I’ll keep picking at it.
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Stubborn Norwegian Wins 2006
on a school night 2005

— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Stubborn Norwegian Wins 2006
on a school night 2005

— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Stubborn Norwegian Wins 2006
on a school night 2005

Posted on October 27th, 2007 under my crazy life. RSS 2.0 feed. Leave a response, or trackback.