Here it is folks! My contribution to Neil’s Great Interview Experiment. I was lucky enough to have Ash in Amsterdam leave a comment right after my comment and so, I got to interview her!

I obsessed a bit about how to proceed (you’re shocked. I know.) And in the end, I decided a more “organic” method would work best. Instead of sending her a long list of questions, I sent a few. Her answers led to some follow-up questions or suggested others. More like a conversation, without the coffee.

I hadn’t read Ash’s blog before this opportunity and this is another prime example of Neil’s genius. I find that while Ash and I have had very different paths, we have some strong similarities as well. (This is in contrast to some of the interview pairs where people have really opposite outlooks and life experiences.) I’ve enjoyed the chance to get to know her a little better, both by reading older posts and through this interview process.

I know that after reading this, you’ll want to run right over to Neil’s blogger interview list and read all the other interviews. Have a blast! And be sure and stop by Ash’s place and say “Hi!”

NFH: You write a little bit about your family life growing up in Africa. It sounds like you had multiple generations living near you and that your family was somehow involved in farming or agriculture in some way. As powerful as those glimpses are, I wonder what other parts of your life were like. What was your school life like? Did you attend school in Africa or were you sent to boarding school somewhere else? What subjects were your favorite? Which were most loathed?

Ash: My family were farmers. Not originally though. My grandfather on my dad’s side worked for the postal service doing something with the telegraph lines and was eventually a postmaster, and my grandfather on my mom’s side was a mechanic. My dad did an apprenticeship doing auto repairs and owned his own business before selling up to buy a farm. So even though the vision of silver spoons in mouths and privileged upbringings springs to mind as soon as anyone mentions white colonial Africa, it wasn’t like that for everyone.

School life? We lived 50 km from the nearest town so it was boarding school for me. Luckily the school I attended was fairly close to home so I could go home for one day almost every weekend. Other children I knew were not so fortunate and went home every third weekend or only on ‘open weekends’ twice a term. The school I went to was a private school and co-ed.

Socially, I wasn’t popular at school and I never really understood why until I found some old schoolmates on facebook recently and they remembered me as being painfully shy.

Me? Shy? I suppose I was. I struggled with anorexia all through high school and I suppose most of the time I just felt like blending in to the scenery. Obviously I succeeded pretty well.

In terms of school work I was good at ‘doing’ school. I was top of my class until I was about 14 when I suddenly lost interest and slipped to the middle somewhere. Favorite subjects were English Literature and History (who could have guessed?)I was good at everything except Maths and Physics, which was probably just disinclination more than anything else. Like almost everything in my life subsequent to school the subjects I disliked had very little to do with the content themselves and very much to do with the personalities we had teaching us. If the teacher was good I loved the subject. If he or she was incapable of dealing with children and their teaching material with any talent them I wasn’t willing to give them time necessary to do well in the subject. I suppose that might possibly tell you more about me than I wanted to reveal.

NFH: I completely understand about liking a subject and wanting to engage with the subject matter when the teacher is good at their job. Do you think your natural irritation at incompetence has continued into your adult life? If so, how do you temper it, to keep yourself from getting smacked?

Ash: Ah, I have developed the capacity to bite my tongue and swallow my words over time. Although, now that you mention it I’m sure there are people who want to smack me now and again.

NFH: How did you come to move from Africa to Amsterdam?

Ash: Back in 2000 when the husband and I had our first child we were both working at the University of Cape Town and earning University salaries. You know how those are, right?

In 2001 we decided to move to Europe. He was initially offered a job in Zurich but then we had visa issues and instead moved to London. Two years later we moved to the Netherlands, again for a job offer. We came as expats, which means basically contractors with extra benefits such as help relocating, housing etc. After two years we decided to stay permanently and the husband now has a permanent contract with his employer.

I often wonder how things might have ended up if we had ended up in Zurich or if we had stayed in the UK. The Netherlands has been an incredible experience so far. I have no intentions of abandoning it for anywhere else any time soon.

I also wanted to say that it’s in the Netherlands that I finally feel like I’ve become an adult - learned to drive here, learned a new language etc.

NFH: Were you teaching the University of Cape Town? If so, what subject(s)? If not, care to share what you did?

Ash: I wasn’t teaching. I was in that wonderful group of people called ‘the support staff’. They should be called the ‘need to be supported staff’. Working in administration in any academic environment can be pretty crappy and very draining. There’s never the same sense of worthiness as that which the academics inspire and usually there’s a two tiered salary system in place. I worked doing admin in various departments and altogether it was quite enjoyable.

NFH: My perception of university salaries in the states is that unless you are a “rain-maker” in research or athletics, salaries are rather stagnant and somewhere around the mid- to lower-middle class range. Is that about the same for the University of Cape Town?

Ash: Salaries for support staff are even worse

NFH: So far, I can count that you speak (and probably write) in at least three languages; English, Swiss and Dutch. Any others? I’ve heard from multi-lingual friends that they don’t feel they are truly proficient in a language until they can think in it. And they claim that they still dream in their first-language. How about you? Think or dream in something other than your first language?

Ash: I speak, read and write English and Dutch. (maybe you want to take the bit about the swiss out - they speak Swiss German and French in Switzerland )

I am not 100% proficient in Dutch. I do think in it when I’m very comfortable in my surroundings and with the person I’m talking to but I have the tendency to want to switch to English when there is anything deep or profound that I want to discuss.

That said, how often do you end up discussing deep or profound things in your day to day life? So mostly, unless I have someone to whom I really want to tell something important, my Dutch is good enough.

I have a soft spot for anyone chatting me up in a language that is not my own, send me a Frenchman, quick! Or a Spaniard, or something!

I still dream in English.

NFH: You mention that you struggled with body image and an eating disorder when you were an adolescent. What sorts of impact has that had on your parenting? What advice or insight would you share with all parents around this issue?

Ash: I still struggle with both of these issues, unfortunately. I can’t really give any insight for parents because even though I am one now I still can’t come to terms with the illness. I can only say that hearing my mom complain about her weight and the work she did (she ran a slimming club) were probably not things that influenced me positively. My father, especially, was always very critical about weight and weight-related issues and I probably developed my healthy sense of low-self-esteem from being in that environment.

I think also that anorexia and bulimia are issues that have nothing at all to do with food and everything to do with control; being able to control your feelings via the only methods you have at your disposal. So, I’d say, the happier your home life is and your children are, the more unlikely they are to suffer from these kinds of issues.

NFH: It seems like in the blogosphere there are two camps around “identity.” There are bloggers like you and Neil who use their real names, their city names and pretty much let it all hang out. Then there are other bloggers (like me, frankly) who use nom de plume’s and don’t use their kids’ or friends’ names to try to keep some anonymity. (whether we actually achieve that is fair game in your answer, too.) Why did you choose to use your real name and be “out” in the blogosphere and have you ever had cause to re-think that choice?

Ash: That is one very interesting question! If I were to answer you honestly I would say that my blog is all about me, and I want people to know it! I’m so vain that I couldn’t publish anonymously because then I wouldn’t be able to say ‘hey, this is all about me!’ to my friends. Not much use in blowing your own horn if no-one knows it’s yours, right?

Maybe I shouldn’t answer that question honestly because it sounds so self-centred! Blogging is, by it’s nature, an exercise in self-centredness so I guess it’s ok.

Converse to the above, I had a blog previously which used my first and last names when I posted but that’s been changed now. I recognized that it might be difficult for me if I went to work professionally having my name plastered all over the internet.

I also became very uncomfortable about my children being identifiable online so I don’t mention them anymore on my blog except by initials. I rarely post photographs of them. I’ll post pictures of myself because I’m the one making the choice to be ‘out there’, but my kids haven’t given their consent.

In terms of whether anonymity or coming out is the way to go, well. I don’t know. I suppose it depends on how you feel.

I had hoped that with slightly more anonymity in my blog I might feel less strictured by my readers. It’s difficult not to feel slightly compressed in your thoughts by who might be reading, especially if very few readers comment.

My family read my blog, my friends read my blog and sometimes when I post, especially when the swear words and innuendo are rife, the deafening silence in the comments usually means someone is offended. It’s preparation for them though as they’re bound to be offended by the contents of the book I’m writing.

NFH: So, you’re writing a book! Care to tell us a little about it?

Ash: Mm, I am! All I can tell you now is that it’s a story told from two perspectives 70 years apart. Set in Africa and in Europe, it follows the common themes in life as I see them: love and belonging, and the loss of leaving them behind. It’s also about the feelings of being an outsider in your own society.

It’s a big step for me to actually take the time out to put these thoughts onto paper and for the longest time I’ve had the story in my head, but lacked the discipline to actually write it. I hope that I can be disciplined enough to actually get my characters onto paper and doing what they should be doing.

NFH: Last December you wrote a little about returning to the stay-at-home mom gig at the end of the year. I really liked your run-down of the things you’ll miss and not miss about working outside the home, but I wonder: How is the transition going?

Ash: I’m not home full-time yet. I have a couple of days to go before that happens. The worst part of it is that I’m floundering a bit thinking of all the time I’ll have and wondering what I’ll do with it. I am so strapped for time now, but I’m thinking I might just end up filling up all that extra time with nothing. You know how it is? I need a different career choice so if anyone has any ideas (short of selling my body or my soul), please share!

NFH: You start many of your posts with a youtube video and/or a particular lyric from a song. Are these songs that just pop into your head? Do they form the post or do you go hunting for a song that illustrates what you’ve written for the day or are they totally random? Just something that catches your fancy or are they clues to the secret meaning of the post?

Ash: Sometimes they allude to a secret meaning, sometimes they are random and sometimes they’re what I’m listening to when I write. So it’s all a bit of a lottery. Sometimes people read hidden meanings into them when really there are none and often the people who should be getting the hidden meanings aren’t.

I suppose that’s the thing with cryptic clues, they really are cryptic and only the person planting the clues really knows what they intend by them! Unless I come right out and say ‘that was intended for you’ people will never know. And that’s precisely how it shall stay.

NFH: For those who like the salacious details, you’re pretty open. There are a couple of posts in particular that talk about your past loves. We don’t hear much about your married love life but you obviously have one because you have two beautiful kids! But what I’d really like to know is: What do you really think about Neil? If (when?) you meet him in person would you plant a big kiss on him just to see him get all shy?

Ash: The salacious details? Oh my. People actually read those? Who would have thought?

Moving onto what do I think about Neil. Oh, what do I think about Neil! I was hoping for that question. Well, Neil and I instant message a lot. It all started when I sent him a pencil from the van Gogh Museum and since then we’ve been secretly in love…It’s been a transatlantic love affair spanning time, space, twitter and facebook …

Ok, being serious now. Neil is a sweetheart. A guy who still believes in love and trust and that the universe has the answers to all the big questions out there. He’s incredibly talented at what he does and he needs to trust his instincts more.

When I meet Neil, because I am definitely planning to, I will plant a very big very long and very wet kiss on him.

In fact, because I come from the Netherlands and we do three kisses here, I will plant three very long, big and wet kisses on him. And then watch to see if he keeps his equilibrium

NFH: After immersing myself in your blog for the last week, I suspect that you are pretty much the person portrayed there. I hear a distinct voice in your writing. One that I like.

Ash: Thanks so much! I like to think that I come across as really being me, somewhat confused though that may be at times.

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— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Bubblegum, anyone? 2007
Why is it? 2007

— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Bubblegum, anyone? 2007
Why is it? 2007

— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Bubblegum, anyone? 2007
Why is it? 2007

Posted on January 30th, 2008 under bloggers, interviews. RSS 2.0 feed. Leave a response, or trackback.