I’m one of those people that tends to notice, and point out connections and “serendipity.” I’ve come to believe through various experiences that there is no such thing as coincidence. So when I see two well thought out posts in the same week about “integrity” I stop in my headlong pursuit of the next item on my ToDo list and wonder: What does God (the Universe/the interconnected web of being….call it whatever works for you) want me to pay attention to about INTEGRITY?

After mulling this for a couple of days, I’m not sure I have an answer. I can say that living an integrated life is a driving force behind my working for a career “course correction.” (We’re not supposed to say mid-life crisis anymore. Did you know?)

That integrated life idea is maybe what I mean by integrity. We spend so much time at “work.” More time than we spend awake with our families, usually. Shouldn’t one’s “work” align with their core beliefs? Isn’t that part of what it means to have Integrity?

Back in ’01-’03 when I worked for a Large National Retailer based in the Twin Cities, it ate away at me that I was supporting a business that provided not one single thing vital for human existence. Add to that the toxic way people in the corporate offices treated each other and that disconnection from who I thought I was and what I was supporting by building my beautiful effective training modules was something that added enormously to my nervous breakdown five years ago this month.

Of course, immediately preceding that breakdown, in a last ditch desperate effort to save myself somehow, I auditioned for graduate school. So when the break came and then the “layoff” I had something to look forward to in the fall. Something that ultimately was healing and where I felt that sense of integration that I have been seeking my whole life.

But maybe it’s more than how I trade my time for money.

Colleen equates integrity with living (not just working) according to her core principles. For her that expands the concept to things like eating right, not smoking, and the millions of different choices we make throughout a single day of this life.

That resonates with me somehow. But I’m not sure I follow her to her conclusion: that we are each our own arbiter of integrity; our own ‘homeboy’ as she puts it. Because, I think at some core level we are communal beings. Somehow I think there is a role for The Other in our pursuit of the Life with Integrity. Someone to call us on our shit, as she says. To hold up the mirror and say “You say you want this but you’re doing that.” Someone or something external from our own body/mind/spirit.

Someone like poet Adrienne Rich, who while living into her own integrity, held up the mirror for others too. I think we have an obligation to do that, out of love for one another.

But regarding Adrienne, I wonder: would I have had the integrity to turn down that kind of national recognition because of the injustice I saw connected to it? I like to think I would, but I’m not sure that’s the point of why these two thought provoking posts appeared in the same week.

But also? That’s one of the things I yearn for in a partner. A best friend. The true meaning of soul-mate, maybe? Someone who values me enough to shake of the ambivalence and walk with me on my path to living into my own integrity. AND AND AND someone who wants, desires, truly yearns for me to be the same for him.

Again I come back to the question of “What am I supposed to be paying attention to about ‘integrity’?” I guess I’ll keep mulling and watching. Maybe I’ll find out, or maybe it will remain a mystery for a little while longer.
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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Music Monday – “Let the Mystery Be” for Abbagirl74 2009
Friday 2007

March 30th, 2008 | Category: big questions | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL