The One Where I Make a Theological Defense for My Crazy

First, a confession (because if this is a theological post, I must clear my conscious first, that’s why.): I’m writing this on Thursday at around mid-day and I’m back dating it to Wednesday. But it’s all about what happened on Wednesday, oK?

Second, a warning: This is long and probably boring.

“Today” was the first Wednesday without choir. But because I was missing my regular routine too much, I still went to church. This week it was to attend a session the senior pastor was leading on the draft social statement of the ELCA on Human Sexuality.

See, there’s a couple things you need to know about “organized” religion. First, like any human enterprise, it’s really hard sometimes to stay in community with each other. Because sometimes you just want to shout “You’re a stupid dumb-dumb head!” and really, that’s not so much what Jesus would do. So we try really hard not to do that. Much.

Some churches solve that by having just a few smart guys (yes, only guys) put together these kinds of statements. Others, like the Lutherans, get a whole variety of smart people together and write stuff and then argue about it for years. It’s not a smooth and pretty and clear cut as the other way, but I like it.

So anyway, the ELCA (that’s the biggest group of Lutherans in the USA) have written a couple of previous of these statements on human sexuality over the last ten years or so. I’m sure you’ve heard about it. Same thing is going on in the Episcopal church and usually when the media gets involved it’s at the point where everybody is calling everybody else a dumb-dumb head and threating to take their hymnals and go home.

And still, we have to keep at this conversation. Because it’s important. Because it speaks to a couple of really important issues, some of which don’t have anything to do with who loves who.

All that is just pre-amble though. Sort of setting the stage. I’m not really going to comment on the policy, although I will say I think there are several things in there that need commenting on. You can read the whole thing here, if that interests you. I recommend it, only because I like the fact that my particular faith tradition encourages doubters, dissenters and critical thinkers in it’s collection of believers. Since I fall into all those categories (sometimes all at the same time) I appreciate not being told to not “worry my pretty little head about that.”

ANYWAY.

One of the other things that I like about my tradition is that it is totally OK to listen to conversations like this and try, in your head, to apply it to your own life. So I’m listening to this high level overview of the statement and wondering what this will have to do with my life.

And not surprisingly it said a lot.

First, there’s some really great stuff in there about urging the church and Christians to work against sexual exploitation, sexual abuse of all kinds and a whole bunch of stuff about how we view the integration of spirit, mind and body that makes up each person. (I was glad to hear the Pastor explain some of Paul’s writing that seems like it’s platonic — spirit=good; body=bad — as actually anti-dualistic.)

There were several sections though where I had to put on my “My-isn’t-this-interesting-but-really-distant-from-my-experience” face because if I hadn’t I’d have started to leak a few pity-party tears.

I’ve been wrestling with trying to write a post about the interplay of Trust and Lonliness for months now. But could never get it to say what I want it to. And then this was plopped in my lap. I’m not sure this says what I’m getting at either but I had some significant physical reactions to these parts and I’ve come to learn to pay attention when that happens. My tears tend to be my truth-o-meter. (emphasis below are mine.)

453 This section explores what it means to recognize that God created human beings to be in
454 relationship with one another as a holistic(21) unity of spirit, mind, and body. Body, mind,
455 and spirit can be distinguished but not separated within the human being; God’s creative
456 and saving work embraces the entire human creature, including a person’s relationships.
457 Sexuality is one dimension of the whole human being that God loves so much that “the
458 Word became flesh” (John 1:14). It is both individual and also fundamentally social be-
459 cause that is how God makes and redeems all of us (John 3:16).
460
461 The complexity of individual sexuality
462 God created human beings to be in relationship with each other. The gift of sexuality
463 is vital to this intention. God continually blesses us, as holistic human creatures, with
464 diverse powers including powers for action, reasoning, imagination, and creativity.
465 Sexuality, as a dimension of human life, includes such powers or capacities. Body, mind, and spirit
466  can be distinguished but not separated within the human being;
467
468 Sexuality especially involves the power or capacity to form deep and lasting bonds,
469 the power to give and receive pleasure, and the power to conceive and bear children.
470 It includes the power to commit oneself to life with another, the capacity to touch
471 and be touched, and the power to love and be loved. Such powers can be used well or
472 badly. Such powers can serve God and serve the neighbor; they also can hurt self or
473 hurt the neighbor.
474
475 It is therefore a misunderstanding to think that sexuality is a matter of sexual or erotic
476 desire alone. Erotic desire, in the narrow sense, is only one component of the relational
477 human bonds that humans crave as sexual creatures. Although not all companionship
478 is sexual, at some level, all sexual relationship is about companionship. We need and
479 delight in companionship and are vulnerable to loneliness.
480

And later, this:

580 IV Trust at the heart of faith active in love
581
582 When the Lutheran Confessions discuss faith in God, they understand it fundamentally
583 as trust (fiducia) or absolute confidence in the promises of God.(22) In faith we entrust our
584 whole lives to God. Because God is unfailingly true to God’s promises, trust is at the core
585 of our relationship with God.
586
587 Trust is also at the core of what it means to be in right
588 relationship with the neighbor. Trust is therefore also at the
589 heart of faith active in love and justice. The creation and
590 maintenance of trust are both the foundation of healthy
591 personhood and the building blocks for healthy relation-
592 ships between individuals. The ways individuals build trust with others and entrust them-
593 selves to each other vary according to different kinds of relationships.
594
595 Nowhere is trust more intimate, fragile, or crucial than in the sexual dimension of indi-
596 vidual lives. In what other dimension of our lives are we so clearly vulnerable to joy and
597 delight as well as to hurt and exploitation? From spiritual intimacy with God to the great-
598 est physical intimacy with another, relationships are measured by the depth and trustwor-
599 thiness of commitments.
600
601 Trust is central, also, in the functioning of a good society. It is essential for social institu-
602 tions and practices that affect or are affected by human sexuality such as the family, the
603 conduct of commerce, the practice of government, and community standards. The devel-
604 opment of social trust must be a central concern for Christians who seek the good of the
605 neighbor in the pursuit of justice and the common good.
606
607 As people of hope, God’s people on earth are the keepers of a trust. God entrusts us with
608 the care of the neighbor and with the preservation of good social order enacted through
609 law. God in Christ “entrust[s] to us the message of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:19).
610 Within the assembly of Christians, the Holy Spirit forgives and, through that forgiveness,
611 continually creates a community of trust.
612
613 This freed community of hope is sent out to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and,
614 through faith active in love, to establish the kind of social and individual trust the world
615 needs. People who have entrusted their lives to God and committed their lives to the good
616 of their neighbors are responsible for cultivating love and trust and insisting on justice
617 and protection for others.

These sections spoke to my experience of trying to integrate myself, both in myself and in my work. They also affirm that I’m not imagining this desire to be in a trusting secure relationship that includes physical intimacy. See, because I spend a lot of time telling myself to quit whining about it. That there are lots and lots of people who live alone quite happily. Lots and lots of people who have figured out a way to live celebate lives and are somehow not lonely while they do it. But this tells me, it’s OK if I’m not feeling like one of those people. And I guess sometimes I need to feel like I’m OK.

Probably a lot like how I’d feel if I were down-in-my-core attracted to women. I’d want some acknowledgment from my church that I’m not crazy.

I’m not sure this statement comes right out and says that clearly enough. It does NOT say the opposite and that is a good thing. But I don’t know if it’s enough. It might the step we need to take first though. I don’t know.

The statement does talk a lot about not ostrasizing people and acknowleging that healthy families come in lots of different configurations and that homosexual people want and deserve to make public life-long committments to one another.

There’s a lot more in there that I need to read and digest. I just wanted to put that much down for now.
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