One of the more interesting family traits I noticed this weekend was the propensity to get right to the heart of the matter and ask the question directly. Applying the principle of ascribing “positive intent” and casting another’s actions in the best possible light, I’d say my cousin K (and his wife K) were deeply interested in me and eager to reconnect in a deep and meaningful way. To that end, they what’s been going on in my life and getting a different perspective on what we experienced (directly or indirectly) as children.

From a practical viewpoint, there were many times that I felt about as grilled as the bratwurst after several conversations.

When I look back on it, I think the level of self disclosure was about equal, but sometimes it was exhausting.

What did K&K ask about? Oh, just about everything. My divorce, my dating life, my parents’ divorce (26 years ago), and whatever details they could get about my brother, sister and mom (I was visiting my dad’s side of the family.)

The neurotic paranoid part of me is quite certain they have had a good gossip over the details and tasty tidbits gathered. But like I said, I try to ascribe positive intent and ignore or silence that sick little tape. Plus, so what if they do re-tell and analyze? They never made me feel unacceptable or judged by the answers I gave and they seemed to continue to share freely.

In some ways, both K&K and my cousin B seemed to be pumping me for details about my divorce as a way of figuring out how to help their own adult children who were going through divorces.

I’m still processing though. It was a little disconcerting to have to articulate some of what happened twenty-six years ago and before. I’ve processed all of it, but with someone outside the family. Explaining how I have made meaning out of the events (with the help of my therapist) felt a little risky. What if they didn’t agree with my interpretation of events? But really, how could they. Afterall, it is my interpretation and how I have made peace with my past. Still, part of how I was raised was to worry about what other people think — especially about whether they approve of my feelings and choice of actions based on those emotions. It is a tendancy I’ve worked hard to control. It was disturbing on some level to feel that tendency try to come to the foreground.

A few more pictures. Just for fun.

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A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…

Link ho-that’s me! 2007
decision time 2007
I have HAD it! 2006

July 9th, 2008 | Category: family | Subscribe to comments | Leave a comment | Trackback URL