Just when I start watching a little football…
…the Vikings choke. This is not really a surprise for those cynical folks in Minnesota. What’s surprising is when a team actually wins a championship. Not when they come from ahead to lose. Our common refrain is “Well, it was a good season.” or something like that. G and CS were over for the game yesterday and we had a low-key few hours.
Of course, you know that I don’t really care about sports. It’s an entertainment industry and I guess as such provides valuable jobs and keeps the economy moving, etc. etc. but I have a whole rant about how our society worships sports idols more than anything else we say we worship and more than is necessarily healthy for a society with so many other things that need our time and attention.
Anyway.
On Saturday G and I walked around MOA and window shopped for rings. The adventure had a bit of a rocky start when, instead of going to the mall where we could ease in to looking at rings and talk together about what we had before, he took me in to a stand alone jewelry store where we were immediately accosted by a sales person who started asking too many questions. What are you looking for? Men’s rings? Women’s rings? Engagement rings? Solitaires? How long have you been together? Are you engaged already? Do you want matching bands? AAAAAAGGH.
In the flurry of the inquisition G made a couple of comments that sent me just about over the edge and I just called an end to the whole thing and walked out of the store.
Sitting in the car in the parking lot with freezing rain falling I told him that I never wanted to hear him say “whatever she wants” about anything related to this wedding. I was a mess of conflicting emotions and thoughts and it was a pretty rough half hour or so.
Eventually we got to the place where we articulated to each other a couple of important points. It’s not about the “stuff” but a ring is an important symbol. I don’t need (or want) a huge “rock” that will spending a huge amount of money, but hearing that he didn’t want to spend the money on the price tags we had just glimpsed made me feel like I did with X – that I wasn’t worth the $ to him, that I was again going to be the main bread-winner and a whole host of other nasty thoughts of which I’m not proud.
After we walked past a few more stores and I began to see things I actually liked, and he saw that what I liked wasn’t thousands and thousands of dollars I think we both calmed down a little bit.
About that time we walked past a stationary store and I went in to look through the invitation catalogs while he used the restroom. Good. Grief! Invitations have changed in 26 years – and they haven’t gotten cheaper! As I continued my research on-line later that evening I found it ironic that it would be very easy to spend more on the invitations than on the wedding ring I buy him! Totally stupid, IMHO. So, now I’m researching alternatives.
Last night after the football game I started researching dresses. I don’t want a wedding dress. I’d like a nice, classy dress that I can wear again and again. The trick comes, of course, with the idea that as I begin training for a half marathon I am a much different size and shape than I will be in four months. But estimating that size and shape is tricky. And again, even with a “nice” or a vintage dress, I could easily spend more on it than on the wedding band he liked.
I’m back to thinking those folks who elope are on to something. Although I want my friends and family (well, some of them) around for this. Maybe PC – the administrator at church – had the right idea. They got married at Williams Pub on a Thursday night. Casual dress, Justice of the Peace, people that could come were there. P & D (her hubby) ordered a bunch of appetizers for the group and everyone bought their own beverages – and more food was available if people wanted it. Easy Peasy.
At the same time I’m thinking all these things, the phone rings and it’s G’s mom calling to see if he told me that she wanted to pay for the cake and wondering if “you considered appetizers or something else for people to eat” at the reception. Now, to her credit she clarified that she wanted to pay for all the food, not just the cake. But as I told G this morning, adding appetizers adds a level of complexity to the reception; you need people to serve or replenish platters, you need different and more dishes and clean-up is longer. Are they hot appetizers? Now you’re dealing with cooking. Cold? You need to deal with storage. Not that I would have to deal with all that, but someone would and it would increase the costs.
I guess I’m just at the over-whelmed stage just now.
One thing I can recommend is a site called wedsimple.com A couple of friends have used it and the part I like the best is that it generates a ToDo list with appropriate due dates. So I know I’m fretting over things a little early. Helps a little bit to know that when I’m spinning with all this.
All this and transitioning out of Evil Corporate job (still no official date) means I’m piling Significant Life Change Stressors one upon the other. But knowing me, you wouldn’t expect anything less, would you?
— — —
A year ago (or longer) on This Journey…
-
Grateful – End of January Edition 2009
narrowing it down 2008
thinking is hard work 2008
Investiture decision 2007
It’s almost Friday! 2007
January 25th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Dang,I’ve missed some things!
1. Not surprised about your piling on at all.
2. Wish to remind you that you’ll remember the time and the events, not what you were wearing.
3. I totally get the hang up about the ring. I wear a simple gold band. It was all I wanted, but……yeah, there are still those lingering feelings that I set my expectations too low and got exactly what I expected.
4. If you don’t elope, please do like your friends did. Easy peasy sounds lovely.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:31 pm
Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!
January 25th, 2010 at 12:57 pm
When I marry Fabulous Guy, it will be in a vintage green satin gown that I bought at a yardsale and wore to a Halloween party when I was 19. It has hung in the back of my closet for the past 31 years. I will wear my 50th birthday tiara. I will go to Las Vegas and be married by an Elvis impersonator.
No big wedding. No invitations, although anyone who wants to can come watch. No engagement ring, just a simple gold band for both of us.
Less is more at our age. It’s not that I think marriage at our age is a mockery, it’s just that most of us know by now that life holds no guarantees, except for the possibility to have a lot of fun.
January 25th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
Oh ladies! thank you!! It is so good to have you around here!
Betty – you nailed it for me with your last bit. Less is more. It’s just surprising to me how hard it will be to hold the line on this and keep it less so it will be more!
Future MIL (holy crap!) means well and I’m sure that just wants to make me feel welcome, etc. etc. I would much rather make separate arrangements to feed the out of town family (dinner together at a restaurant later before the 7pm start?) than expand this past a Dessert Reception.
January 25th, 2010 at 3:30 pm
Hey! Take a deep breath! I guarantee you that it will be a wonderful day no matter what. And you do know that I expect to be called and told what to do if you need something done. I’m only two hours away and (aside from the infant
) have a very flexible schedule. I can cook (some), I can clean (with the best of them!), I can mix drinks (sort of), I can shake you and tell you to calm down, I can put out fires. And you better know that I mean that–this isn’t one of those “Oh-let-me-know-if-you-need-anything-and-then-blow-you-off” kinds of offers. After all, what are sisters for? 
Love ya!
January 25th, 2010 at 10:20 pm
Wow do you have a crazy few months ahead of you… simple is good – as a matter of fact it is great. Once you quit enjoying the “doing” quit doing. Spend more time planning the ceremony then all the other stuff put together and you will have an amazing day – ’cause that is really what it is all about. You really don’t want people to remember the dress, the cake, the invitations, but to remember the look you and G share, the heartfelt words that are spoken between you two, and the way that your day makes them look at their significant others anew and fall in love all over again. Sorry I can’t help in a hands-on sort of way, we’ll just keep praying you through down here. HUGS!!!
January 26th, 2010 at 4:27 am
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January 26th, 2010 at 11:42 am
Husband and I were very lucky to find a wedding site that sort of had an all-inclusive deal. We just had to pick what we liked and they took care of the rest. Most of all, apart from all the decorations/cake/dress/etc – just remember you guys are throwing a party to celebrate your love and your life together! Weddings are intimidating and not always fun. Parties freakin’ rock!
January 26th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
I know it’s overwhelming, but I’m still excited for you. I can’t see how you plan it all out.
February 6th, 2010 at 4:18 pm
What if your friends supply the food as a wedding gift? You could combine many of the items noted above, wed at the home of a friend if you’d like (their hosting could be THEIR gift). Have a friend make a simple, elegant cake as THEIR gift…and so on.
You can do this! Congratulations.