Seriously. I must be living to high on the hog. It is the only explanation for the financial turmoil I’m in. If that’s the case, I’d like to order a bigger hog, because this one that I’m living on is a little skimpy.
Apparently despite being very careful for the last 2 years with how I spend my money and being responsible for both of (my X and myself) our credit ratings, it’s all going to go down the toilet anyway.
The phone bill includes $75 of overage minutes on the cell phones. Yes, that includes the X’s cell phone that I pay for because
1.I can’t get out of the contract until December without paying $250 penalty and
2. I feel that the boys should have a way to reach their father.
I also got a $535 bill from my lawyer for the month of June. And that little nightmare is just beginning!
I look around this house and I try to find things I could sell on eBay for cash to pay bills. Not really anything. Lots of books and CD’s and photographs. Nothing anybody else would pay money for.
I don’t have cable. We don’t have an X-box or a boat or a cabin. We don’t go out to eat and I have $20 a month budgeted for entertainment. (gotta love Netflix.) But the fact remains that my income does not cover my expenses.
Even with “child support” and X’s new $100 contribution toward his portion of the bills (aforementioned cell phone, life insurance, auto insurance and his portion of the consumer debt.)
No one gets new clothes unless it’s required for a sport or a school event.
Ok, I did buy a fishing license last month.
I feed 2 teenage boys on $80-$100 a week in groceries.
The rest goes for mortgage, gas, electricity, internet (for school), water, gasoline (which is really adding up, btw.) student loan, home-equity loan and a bit more for credit cards (car repairs).
I’ve even tried posting a room for rent ad at the seminary intranet. No takers, yet, but it’s still summer. Maybe I should try craigslist?
I’m beginning to think the guy’s who write and believe this philosophy of “do what you love, the money will follow” are full of it. At least in the short term.
It’s also hard to believe that there’s further down to go. That between career and divorce I really am going to have to start from nothing again at my age. That somehow I am holding on to too much still. That I’m not releasing everything to faith and whatever.
I really thought I’d already hit bottom. It’s amazing how deep the chasm is.