Hey friends. I think this is the last post for 2006 and when you come back on Jan 1, you’ll be redirected to the new home of This Journey.
I’ve been reading a lot of people’s reviews and resolutions and have become inspired to do my own assessment, because, well, I’m a sucker for peer pressure. (HA!)
Moving this blog has been a great opportunity for me to really review what has happened in my life over the last twelve months. I’m a pretty damn amazing woman when it comes down to it.
Just a year ago I was sure that filing for divorce was grasping at a thin straw of happiness that would probably destroy the world. At the beginning of the year I was crying daily; fearful about how I would be viewed as a woman who divorced “such a nice guy.”
I was terrified of doing it and terrified of what my life would be like if I didn’t go through with it. I was lonely and sad and maybe even a little depressed (although not as depressed as I would have been had I taken the step a couple of years ago.)
I was also working at a job where I wasn’t appreciated and where my work was condemned and rejected at almost every turn.
But I persevered and by the beginning of the summer I had gotten the legal gears to begin grinding and I had found a new job that promised to be a much better fit for my gifts and passions.
Not willing to let the resolution of a long divorce process and the release from a heinous job be enough reward in themselves, I began to a four month intensive process of group navel gazing called Clinical Pastoral Education. Something that proved to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
The “self learning” opportunities were legion and a couple of profound things were identified, not the least of which was the realization that my reluctance and resistance to the work of chaplaincy was tied to my anger about “having to be in charge of everything” in my marriage.
Not to mention the enormous gift (and sometimes burden) of hearing the stories of my patients.
All that growth! All that progress!
All that and I started dating again! Holy Craig’s List, Batman! Not just one ambiguous date, but several actual dates. Where the guys paid for coffee or dinner and stuff and everything. Actual dates where we talked and shared stories and heard concerts and flirted. Actual dates where some hugging and kissing happened!
But wait, there’s more! That little act of putting myself out there provided opportunity to learn that I could make friends again, that I could be desired again. And that there are a lot of guys who don’t know what they want, who can’t carry on a conversation and for whom I don’t have to settle.
Talk about your revelations.
All this occurred in one little 12-month stretch of days.
Not even mentioning the fact that I held the boys, the dog and the house together single-handedly; paying bills, applying medications, and organizing kick-ass vacations.
Like I said: I am one amazing woman.
So, what do I think for 2007?
I think “theme” for 2007 is “self-care;” that idea that was so big for the CPE types.
Take care of my physical self:
1. Lose the weight. Keep going on the walking and add even more cardio. I’ve already signed up (but not paid for, yet) a Pilates class that is on Thursday nights.
2. I talked with the golf coach today and will schedule with him starting early in January.
4. Get insurance and continue seeing the therapist. Make appointments for the dentist and opthomologist for me (not just the boys.)
Take care of my emotional self:
5. Spend more time developing women friends who can be there to debrief the dates. This needs to happen because it is very clear that my pre-divorce friends have written me off.
6. Take time to grieve the loss of those friends who have written me off.
7. Take the advice of “What’s her name” in Tuscan Sun: Focus on fixing my house and forget about the dating. It will happen when it’s ready to happen.
8. Teach the people with whom I am in relationship how I want to be treated. Don’t date desperately.
10. Talk with strangers. Listen to their stories.
11. Don’t sit home alone and mope. If friends aren’t available, go out alone.
12. Play more. Look for the opportunity to add play into the day whenever possible.
13. Treat myself as well as I hope someone will treat me one day. Buy the flowers, give the time, feel sexy and confident and loved but don’t rely on those feelings to come from someone else.
Take care of my working self:
14. Find a September job that is challenging, compelling and financially rewarding (as much as church work can be, anyway) where I can develop deep working relationships, where my passions and my gifts are desired and recognized and supported.
15. Get better at measuring my success in how I feel rather than in how much I do.
Basically, continue to grow into myself.
Wishing you and all you love a blessed and safe New Year’s weekend. See you in 2007!