“Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises…. Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting.”

Frederick Buechner

Oh, you should really click this Buechner link. I thought I knew who he was and what he was about. I thought I knew that Lutheran types liked quoting him because his way of writing about deep spiritual things made the theology behind them more accessible and more poetic at the same time. That’s true, but according to that Buechner Institute website there’s a whole lot more.

That quote up there speaks to me because I’m still living in that liminal space. Liminal within liminal really. Still searching a permanent call where DH and I don’t have to worry about week-to-week expenses now that he is laid off (so many people still think he retired! must be the pure silver hair). But also that liminal place where I don’t yet have a contract for this interim work.

We’re in the third week now and I told the pastor that this needs to get settled (I gave a counter offer) this week or I can’t continue. I run rehearsals this afternoon and tonight but I can’t come on Sunday. This is both breaking my heart and hardening it at the same time. I’m terrified of walking away for all kinds of good and bad reasons but I can’t stay for an unfair compensation package. Everyone I talk to agrees about that. Well, except for the vice president of the council – and maybe the treasurer. And for those of you who might think I’m asking too much our bookkeeper told us at the staff meeting yesterday that we ended the year with 5% surplus, so this isn’t a poor congregation.

And yet, I can’t act to move this forward. The ball is in their court, at least until I get an answer from the council meeting last night.