3 cloves garlic coarsely chopped
1 T olive oil
1 orange pepper 1/4 ” dice
3 C leftover brown rice (frozen)
2 chicken breasts
4C chicken stock
3-4 T dried parsley
1-2 T herbs de Provence
Salt
Pepper

Oven roast chicken breasts at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Cut into bite size pieces. Set aside.

Heat oil in large saucepan. Add garlic and sauté until fragrant. Add peppers, rice chicken and stock. Heat until rice is thawed. Add herbs, salt and pepper to taste. Simmer for a few minutes.

I’ll admit to a bit of decadence when I garnished mine with a little dollop of sour cream.

• The sun is stronger at 45 degrees North. Even when the wind-chill is -25 F, walking outside in a black pea coat one can feel the warmth of the sun.
• We’re getting more days with bright sunshine.
• The snow is accumulating a bit – so things look pretty. From inside the house anyway.
• G is somehow staying hopeful through this unemployment period – even though he’s not finding much to apply for yet.
• I had a good interview at a church last Thursday. Many questions remain and much process to walk through but it was a good, energizing conversation at least.
• There are slightly more postings in the Twin Cities.
• I’m making progress on cleaning out the attic.
• The interim music director work is something that I LOVE doing.

UPDATE: I’m also grateful that DS1 called today “just to see how things were going.”

“Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly, whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises…. Faith is homesickness. Faith is a lump in the throat. Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch. Faith is waiting.”

Frederick Buechner

Oh, you should really click this Buechner link. I thought I knew who he was and what he was about. I thought I knew that Lutheran types liked quoting him because his way of writing about deep spiritual things made the theology behind them more accessible and more poetic at the same time. That’s true, but according to that Buechner Institute website there’s a whole lot more.

That quote up there speaks to me because I’m still living in that liminal space. Liminal within liminal really. Still searching a permanent call where DH and I don’t have to worry about week-to-week expenses now that he is laid off (so many people still think he retired! must be the pure silver hair). But also that liminal place where I don’t yet have a contract for this interim work.

We’re in the third week now and I told the pastor that this needs to get settled (I gave a counter offer) this week or I can’t continue. I run rehearsals this afternoon and tonight but I can’t come on Sunday. This is both breaking my heart and hardening it at the same time. I’m terrified of walking away for all kinds of good and bad reasons but I can’t stay for an unfair compensation package. Everyone I talk to agrees about that. Well, except for the vice president of the council – and maybe the treasurer. And for those of you who might think I’m asking too much our bookkeeper told us at the staff meeting yesterday that we ended the year with 5% surplus, so this isn’t a poor congregation.

And yet, I can’t act to move this forward. The ball is in their court, at least until I get an answer from the council meeting last night.

Now that I’m not trying to be everything to everyone all at the same time, I have a little less urgency for this super power. But you have to admit that if you’re a woman who has to work somewhere for money and also is responsible for making a home that this being essentially giving yourself the chance to really get twice as much done – and done well – as the non Super types.

If I couldn’t actually be in two places at once, I’d rather have extreme speed (if given the choice between extreme strength or extreme speed). This would allow me to get as close to two places at once as possible. It would also allow me to get the chore work done super fast giving me more time to blog, knit and nap. And really, who wouldn’t want that?

To be in keeping with the point of the meditation part of these posts, listen to the story and then contemplate for a while when in your life, your journey, you thought it was falling apart only to be surprised. I’d love it if you shared in the comments, or if this seems like a good post on your own blog, link back here and leave us a note in the comments so we can go read your story at your place.

• Grateful that a “low” Sunday where “lots of people are out with the flu or flu-like illness” means I still had over 25 people in choir.
• I’m grateful (again) for how the anthem, selected weeks ago based on the lessons, expands and illuminates the sermon from preachers who preach on the texts (and not a chicken-soup-for-the-soul random sermon.)
• I’m grateful that the choir, having heard the sermon, really proclaimed the text of the anthem, and sang beautifully.
• This week we traveled to the nearby nursing home and sang for their worship service. I’m grateful that the choir sees this as part of their ministry and I didn’t end up there alone.
• Grateful for a short nap before having to get on the road to take DS2 back to school.
• Grateful for clear (if below zero) weather for driving to Menomonie and back.
• Grateful that DS2 is liking school as much as he is.
• Grateful for friends, DH and at least one colleague who is supportive of me through the contract negotiations.
• Grateful for the text and the sermon this morning that unpacked what happens to be my investiture and consecration verse:

Isaiah 43:1-3a (my investiture and consecration verses)

But now thus says the LORD,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
²When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
³For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

It continued this morning:

I give Egypt as your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in exchange for you.
⁴Because you are precious in my sight,
and honored, and I love you,
I give people in return for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
⁵Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you;
⁶I will say to the north, “Give them up,”
and to the south, “Do not withhold;
bring my sons from far away
and my daughters from the end of the earth —
⁷everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”

The anthem was based on this text. “Do Not Be Afraid” by John Helgen. (Click to listen. We sing it better. Just saying.)

The Garden Sentinel Dreams of Spring during the January Thaw

One of the best ways I have found to do this is to give everything that comes into my house a HOME. And I can easily tell that I have too many things when there are not enough homes for them all!

I gleaned the idea of items having homes from my younger sister who used to say to her toddlers, “See that book on the floor there? Is that its home? No? Please put the book into its home.” Often, I am saying the same words to myself that she said to her little ones.

Photo from Discountofficeitems.com

In my mother’s house, the Marks-A-Lot marker always went in the cupboard next to the sink. I don’t know why, I just know that’s where the Marks-A-Lot goes, still and forever, in my house many miles away.

So: Tell us your favorite homes for five things, the places that you can always and reliably find them.

I had to think about this one. I feel sometimes at Chez Journey that nothing ever has a home; and other times like even if stuff had a home it wouldn’t matter because no one else besides me knows where it is!

But then a read a few of the other plays and I realized I had some things to contribute. Here goes:

1. Keys must be put on the key rack in the kitchen hallway. If I set them somewhere else they are immediately covered by something and I’ll spend a frustrating (and potential loud) time searching for them the next time I want to leave. Can’t even just say they’re “in my pocket” because the pockets change; and mercifully sometimes we don’t have to wear coats around here!
2. The plastic cooking tools and the wooden spoons and the silicone scrapers go in the two crockery jugs on the counter. Not in the small tool drawer. Not in the large tool drawer. And all the plastic ones go together in the blue crock and the wooden spoons and scrapers go in the tan one. (This is an “orientation unit” that DH still hasn’t mastered.)
3. Toilet lids “belong” down unless you’re using it. This is a standard I set when the boys were little and I quickly realized I didn’t want to fish toys out of there more than I had to. Or whatever else was sitting on the shelf behind the toilet. For the last 12 years this policy has also prevented Libby the Wonder Poodle from drinking from the toilet. These two reasons alone should be enough for the rational person to comply. It really has nothing (much) to do with the added bonus that if the lid is in it’s “home” position so is the seat. (This has been a big win for me, the sole female permanent resident of Chez Journey.)
4. My phone and glasses belong on the beside table next to my side of the bed. My phone charges overnight and while I LOVE the iphone5 Do Not Disturb scheduling feature, I also love that I can select which phone numbers I will allow to ring through at 2AM.
5. Dog leashes, dog towel and a small umbrella are hung on the rack near the back door. If they’re left over the radiator near the front door, Libby gets very confused about why she is not getting to go with us every time we leave the house.

I was able to focus on the actual work that needs doing – although I didn’t get very far. But I did get further. So that’s a win.

It’s been above freezing most of the day. And raining. So a lot of this is gone now- but it’s not like we can see the grass or anything, yet. The weather is changing and the temperature is going to dip. Driving tomorrow should be dangerous and then it will start to snow again. Should make for an interesting couple of days.

The other standard result is that the organization under-functions and I am put in awkward positions and made to be the bad-guy. 

Here we are again at another example of me stepping forward in trust, moving forward on a handshake and the organization not following up with the formal agreement.

I have incredible flaming wreck stories of any number of times I’ve done this in my life (you can read about one here.) The entirety of 2012 is another, although I kept that pretty low-key around here. And now, so early in 2013, we have another opportunity for me to change my behavior.

Here’s the background.

Our music director requested a personal leave of absence beginning immediately after Christmas (three weeks ago.) Both she and the Senior Pastor (executive in charge) asked if I would be willing to serve as interim. I agreed. I met with her and got the information about what had been planned (nothing) and what was coming up (several festival services, some outside concert hosting and a number of other things… not the least of which is Lent and Easter. For which nothing had been planned. Not even sketched.)

I’ve now been  working hard for ten days to play catch up and fill in for the music director and there is still no sign of a contract. Is there something they feel can be left undone for this leave time? Don’t know. What are they willing/able to pay me? Don’t know. I told both the pastor and the council president that I assumed I would be paid the same as the music director (as I had been in 2006-2007 when I served here as interim music director for an entire year.) The president came back and said they “needed to calculate my pay based on synod guidelines.”

Great by me. Since I’m ten years older than the music director, I have about ten more years experience. I’m sure that took them  a bit by surprise because my Spidey-sense is that the treasurer said that in order to pay me less not because he didn’t want to short change me out of ten years of experience on the salary chart.

Because the pastor has worked with me before, he trusts and knows that I”ll get things done. And I have. Because the music director is my friend, she trusts and knows that I will care for the congregation and the volunteer worship leaders in planning worship. And I have.

But rehearsal starts back up tonight and the choir not only sings here on Sunday but we’re supposed to go on a “field trip” to lead worship at a nursing home on Sunday. And I still don’t have a contract. And it’s starting to bug me.

It woke me up last night.

How many pastors would serve an interim call – or even pulpit supply a single Sunday? – without a more detailed agreement? Not one, probably. How many corporate consultants or temps would be allowed into the building (much less on the computer systems) without a contract in place? ZERO.

My high level of competence and over-functioning has gotten me ten-days ahead of their process. Their needs are getting met. They have worship bulletins and their program is going ahead. There is no urgency for them to get this decided. The only person out on a limb is me.

If I had not stepped in and been competent and conscientious, they would have been stuck. They would have had an “urgent” situation that they would have had to deal with. They would have had to have a bunch of extra meetings over the holidays and probably scheduled a special council meeting. As it is, they feel like they can just wait until….whenever.

My only move is to raise this point with the pastor when he shows up today. But where is the line? Do I say “I’m not comfortable running the rehearsal and taking care of the choir leadership on Sunday without a contract. I realize you’re not prepared with one now, so you’ll have to contact the choir and cancel rehearsal and contact the nursing home and cancel that as well”? Or do I just continue on filling in; not making a fuss or a ruckus? Or is there somewhere in between those two options?

And the ONLY reason I’m in this pickle is because I want to do this work. I want to do this job. And I want to take care of people. I want to take care of my friend who is requesting the leave. I want to take care of my friend the pastor. I want to take care of my friends in the choir and the congregation. And I want them to like me, I suppose.

Realizing it ten days in is better than realizing it six months in (like last year). Can I manage to really repent (turn away, change course, stop) this action? Can I manage my anxiety about people getting mad at me enough to do the hard thing here? Is it the right thing? According to which standard?