This Journey

So now that my DH is laid off, I talked him into taking a J-term class at the sem (since it is a sponsored class and we wouldn’t actually have to pay for anything besides his books.)

The first week or so is an online component. The problem is that it turns out he’s a bit of a procrastinator. Since he doesn’t have a work laptop anymore we’re sharing my computer. He’s had an assignment due since Sunday so I’ve been trying to stay off the computer so he can do his assignment.

As a result, I’m pecking this out on my phone.

Real first world problem, huh?

An incomplete list of some things for which I am grateful this week (in no particular order):

• That DS1 and I have as good a relationship as we do that I miss him when he goes back to school.
• That DS1 can drive himself back to school.
• That we still have enough cash flow to send DS1 to school with a small cooler of food – including fifteen of the infamous burritos.
• That DS2 is not going back for another week.
• A week of work that I love… even if it’s only a short term interim position.
• That I was able to manage my own anxiety about the fact that so much about this interim situation is not finalized and in a great deal of flux.
• The expressions of support I’ve received from choir members and congregation members as they’ve learned about the leave and my filling in.
• That at least people here are still thanking me for being willing to step in.
• Milder weather this week – more sunshine and temps in the 20s instead of the 10s.
• A safe New Year’s celebration for me and G and the boys.
• That the boys have the opportunity to spend time with their father – and a relationship with him that makes them want to.
• That the boys had a chance to hang out with their friends this week.
• For a co-worker who was willing to share his lunch with me Friday when I mentioned that I ran out of the house without breakfast – delicious tamales from Trader Joe’s
• That it looks like cash flow might work until Friday when G gets his vacation pay out
• That it looks like I might get a paycheck on the 15th – again helping cash flow here at Chez Journey
• That there are starting to be more job postings for which I can apply
• That my mail order prescription plan thingy got straightened out and received
• That even though I’ve now entered the ranks of those taking daily medication – it’s only ONE and it seems to be working
• That I was able to provide a strong ministry of presence to my friend who is battling a significant depressive/anxiety episode
• New friends here through NaBloPoMo
• Conversations with G as he engages in a J-term seminary class; his first class since he graduated from college a long, long time ago.

The RevGalBlogPals Friday Five are all in the New Year’s theme – and not surprisingly have a link to the “energy” theme of NaBloPoMo.

Herewith, a Friday Five all about Resolutions and Absolutions.

Resolutions:

1. Start by sharing your success stories with us: In the past, what resolution has been your most successful? What change have you made that has been the most beneficial, to your mood, health, finances, or other way of being in the world?

I have had about the same amount of success with resolutions as most people – spotty at best, I suppose. The one exception to that was a resolution I made when I was in 9th or 10th grade. I decided I was tired of complaining about the weather and I resolved that for one whole year I wouldn’t do it. If it was raining, I’d be thankful for the rain watering the earth and making the plants grow. If it was cold, I’d be thankful that the cold weather kept the size of the bugs small in Minnesota (no giant flying cockroaches here, thankyouverymuch!) I remember being very successful at this resolution. And then the most amazing thing happened. On January 1 of the next year, I went right back to the old habits of complaining about the weather!

Why? If it only takes 21 days to establish a new habit this one had been going on for 365. Why couldn’t I just remain consistent in this one thing? Maybe because it was really freaking cold that winter. Maybe because we love to complain about the weather up here. Maybe because not complaining about the weather meant I was not part of a lot of conversations. I don’t really know the reason. I just know that I complain about the weather as much as the next person.

But sometimes, in my head, I remember that year and think about trying it again.

2. What is one thing you hope to do differently this year with regard to health, either physical or spiritual? If you are satisfied with your current status in both areas, perhaps you would be willing to share something you’ve already done (or regularly do) to care for yourself.

I hope that I will continue to get better at eating healthy food in reasonable portions. It’s another uphill battle, as we all know. Or most of us. Luckily, I know that as many times as I fail at it, I can start over again the next meal. I’d like to get better at having thing prepped and ready to cook so that when I come home from work I’m not starting from the “what do you want to eat?” question so that we don’t slide into the “where do you want to go?” or “who do you want to call?” options. I want to bring my lunch to work.

3. What is one thing you hope your family (of origin, of choice, however you define your primary place of mutual emotional sustenance) will do differently this year? A new tradition for birthdays? More vacation time? Game night? Feel free to really dream about ways to deepen your connections with those you love.

I hope that G and I will get better at doing devotions together. My real dream is that we would sing compline on a regular basis.

4. What is one thing you hope your community of faith will consider doing differently this year? New music? Different approaches to preaching? Rearranging the furniture? If you are in a position to try to introduce change, share some of your enthusiasm and/ or anxiety with us!

One thing I wish we’d try is more study opportunities out in the community. At a pub or coffee house. I’m not exactly positioned to start this but will look for opportunities to move it forward.

Another thing I’d like to introduce (and am positioned to introduce it) is adding more contemplative prayer opportunities. Not prayer services but instruction in prayer practices. Not sure how that can happen here, but I’ve started some conversations.

Absolutions:

5. In what area would you most like to learn to be gentle with yourself? For what would you most like to forgive yourself? Share your ideas and strategies for extending yourself the kind of grace we know we are assured of.

I’d like to give myself more permission to not be responsible for taking care of everyone. And to forgive myself when I have to choose between two important priorities.

Like asking me to name my favorite song, or food, I don’t have just one way to recharge my batteries. When I’m able to go like the proverbial “energizer bunny” I’m usually employing at least several techniques:

• First thing in the morning, please don’t ask me to be coherent until I’ve had a cup or so of coffee. In an extreme need I can go without, but not for long. In fact, if I don’t have about 1.5 cups of coffee by 10:30 in the morning I’ll have a raging migraine by noon.
• If it’s my motivational batteries that are low I do a lot better if I listen to some music. Not just any music, but just about any music. It can’t be something I’m prepping to conduct, for instance. That’s just work. And it can’t be something I consider as “adding to the darkness.” You know what kind of that music that is. Anything that promotes through it’s sound or lyrics violence and anger. That’s not to say a good protest song doesn’t do it for me. But songs glorifying misogyny, murder, bullying, racism, etc is not going to help me feel energized.On the other hand, it doesn’t matter if it’s classical, pop or something else (yes, even occasionally country music). I’ll often feel better even when I’m not trying to.

  I have a specific playlist that I’ve called “Get Happy Dammit” that can almost always be counted on to give me a second wind.

• Listening to music is something that I have to rely on when I’m doing other things. For a real energy boost I can count on making music. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve dragged myself to a rehearsal only to leave flying high and sometimes even having a hard time falling to sleep!
• If my batteries are low because of insomnia – which I suffer from far too often – it’s a nap that does the trick. I’ve been to sleep clinic and they’ve ruled out apnea and restless leg. I’ve cleaned up my “sleep hygiene” and I’m doing lots better. I allow myself one day a week to take an afternoon nap – Sunday after church. And there are weeks when I sink so deeply into the bed that I don’t roll over for a couple of hours.  It’s a luxury and a pampering that I look forward to.
• I know that I’m still an extrovert when I find myself with more energy after a meeting or conversation with friends. That interaction with others raises my spirits and gives me a bit of an energy burst – although it doesn’t last as long as it used to.
• More and more, the best way to recharge for me as I get older is to spend time in contemplation and prayer. More about that in another post.

The NaBloPoMo theme for this January is “Energy.”

Praying for a new page. A fresh start. And the energy to accomplish all I’m called to do. And for you.

“We don’t have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change. Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world.” –Howard Zinn

Happy 2013 from everyone here at Chez Journey!!

It would be really easy to write a very long post about how much this year needs to be done and gone and over. How much we need - I need - a fresh start and a new page. But that would only be part of the story. As much as 2012 has been a challenge on several levels – filled with so many disappointments and hurdles – it was also filled with so many blessings. 

I want to list a few of the things for which I’m grateful for this year. As usual, these are in no particular order.

• Everyone at Chez Journey is in mostly really good health. We haven’t had any medical calamities and have even resisted most of the colds and crap that get passed around.
• I have been able to spend an entire year on a grand experiment of launching a coaching and consulting business. While it didn’t take off like I thought it would, we haven’t gone into foreclosure or deep debt because of it.
• Throughout the year I’ve had wonderful opportunities to play music with people.
• G and I took a wonderful and affirming trip to Holden Village where I was able to serve as Village Musician (one of my favorite things to do — there or anywhere else.)
• I was able to deepen friendships with several amazing women this year.
• The opportunity to enter into a spiritual direction relationship with a wonderful director – a woman I admire and have come to rely on. Even though I started that process thinking things would turn out much differently this year than they have, the establishment of that relationship provided a lifeline when things didn’t go as hoped.
• I went to Guatemala. All those sites, sounds, smells and tastes. All those pictures to help remember all those new friends.
• I am well rested and ready – eager even! – to get back to full-time work. I treasure the chance to daydream and kick-back; to read and knit and have long lunches (and happy hours) with friends. But I’m ready to balance that now with more active day-to-day life.
• This past month I’ve become enormously grateful for the times I’ve spent spiraling down to the bottom of the pit. I know that sounds odd, but this last month that experience has given me the perspective and compassion to really help out a friend who is visiting the deepest part of the pit for the first time. Maybe it’s a bit like AA, where your sponsor has to have been an addict to really be your sponsor. I am so grateful to be able to help this dear friend by sharing parts of my experience so that she knows that she’s not the only one who has been in this mysterious, oppressive, despairing place but that there is life afterwards. Resurrection doesn’t just happen after death and isn’t just accomplished by theological means in this life – although there are theological interpretations that can be applied. I am grateful to support her in getting the medical and mental help she needs to begin to heal.
• I have few words to express how grateful I am that G is traveling with me through this year. I think his presence in my life is one of the biggest blessings I’ll ever experience.

What’s on your list of things you want to remember fondly from 2012?  If you are looking back, put a link in the comments.